I'd Die For You
by Yanagi-sen
Summary: just imputing char, nothing new Is love really worth it when the rest of Schwarz finds out about Nagi's boyfriend? rating for language and content
1. I'd Die for You

**_"I'd Die For You"_**

****

by Yanagi-sen

Weiss Kreuz songfic

Usual disclaimers apply.  Not mine, etc. etc.  (we all know what goes here…) song belongs to Bon Jovi… and I own this particular tape… I'm getting old!

Warnings: angst, yaoi, language, evil Crawfish!! (sorry Brad fans)

Quiet giggling filled the air.

"Shhh… someone will hear us."

"Sorry… but that tickles."

"What about if I do this…"

"Ohhhhh…."

"Better?"

"Do that again."

Omi stroked Nagi's erection while probing him with slick fingers.  The dark-haired boy for his part latched on to the blonde's mouth, helplessly thrusting against the other boy's hand.  Nagi threw his head back with a quiet sigh.

"Now, Omi… now!"

The blue-eyed archer released the younger assassin, turning him around and quickly slicking his own hardness.  Nagi braced himself against the wall as Omi slid into him with one quick thrust.  Their coupling was hurried, almost frantic.  Their time together far too short for comfort.  Far too soon, the dark one stiffened, head thrown back, mouth open in a silent cry he could not voice.  Omi thrust a couple more times before muffling his groan in the other boy's back.

He withdrew and then collapsed to sit against the wall, pulling his slighter lover down to cradle him in his lap.  Nagi's head fell against his shoulder, seeking the comfort and affection no one else was willing to give.

**_~If you could see inside my heart _**

**_Then you'd understand ~_**

"I love you so much, Omi."

"I know… I love you too.  But I'm worried."

"Worried?"

"If Weiss finds out… they'll just yell at me… but you…"

Nagi burrowed his head in Omi's shoulder.  "Don't think about it.  I'm not gonna worry about something that hasn't happened yet."  He sighed.  "Just hold me Omi… please… just hold me."

Omi's arms tightened around his fragile lover.  "I'm not letting go."

**_~I'd never mean to hurt you _**

**_Baby I'm not that kind of man ~_**

They dressed in silence, neither wanting to voice the inevitable.  They slipped out of the warehouse office they'd been using and relocked the door.  Hand in hand they threaded their way through the mountains of rice bags to the side door they'd used.   Nagi used his power to redraw the bolt and then they walked toward the entrance to the alley.  Omi suddenly swung the brunette around and pinned him to the wall, kissing him hungrily.  

Finally the need for air broke them apart.  Nagi gasped.  "What was that for?"

"Something to tie us over till next time."

The young telekinetic smiled shyly and kissed his boyfriend gently.  "Till next time."

Omi smiled and squeezed his hand, he checked the street, and then was gone.  Nagi sighed.  He was really getting tired of sneaking around like this.  /It's just not fair… other people get to be with the ones they love.  I get stuck making out in back offices.  My life sucks./

_'And now it's gonna get worse, gaki.'_

Nagi gasped and whirled, his eyes searching the shadows.  He saw nothing, not that that meant anything.  He swallowed, mouth suddenly very dry.  "Schu?"

**_~I might not say I'm sorry _**

**_Yeah, I might talk rough sometimes_** ~

"And what the Hell do you think you were doing?"

/Crawford's in rare form tonight… what crawled up his ass and died this time?/  

"Well gee, Brad.  I was meeting my boyfriend for some wild monkey sex in the back office of Takatori's rice warehouse.  How's your evening been?"  Nagi suppressed the grin as Crawford's face purpled in anger.  /The man better get on some blood pressure medication or he's gonna burst a blood vessel./  He could see Schu trying desperately not to laugh off to the side.  /And THAT bastard better watch it or I'll toss him through the wall.  I'm fucking sick of taking orders from these two pricks./

'Better watch it chibi…' 

_'Fuck you asshole!  I'm not your slave.  And stay out of my head.'_  It was petty, he knew, but he gave Schu a little mental push, knocking his head against the wall.

Brad glared, gritting his teeth as the redhead swore loudly in German.  "Stop it, Schuldich.  And you better come up with a better explanation that THAT young man."  He rounded on Nagi.

"Oh. My. God!  Who died and left you my father?!  He's probably already told you what he saw, so stop giving me the third degree here!"

"You are a member of Schwarz and…"

"Oh quit your bitching right now.  I might be a member of Schwarz but that doesn't make me your slave.  What I do with my time off is my business and no one else's.  I'm going to bed."  He turned and stalked out of Crawford's office, ignoring the orders to come back.  He grinned and mentally slammed the door in their faces.  He slammed his own for good measure and flung himself down on his futon.

Only then did his temporary confidence shatter.  No one outside could have heard the quiet sobbing as Nagi cried tears of frustration and fear into his pillow.

**_~And I might forget the little things _**

**_Or keep you hanging on the line ~_**

Omiitchi,

They've found out.  Schu saw us leaving the warehouse last night.  They bitched at me for a while, I bitched back.  I probably made the situation worse.  I don't know if I'll be able to make it tomorrow.  If I'm not there after an hour, I'm not gonna show up.  Please don't worry about me.  I'll be okay.

Suki da,

Nagi

**_~In a world that don't know Romeo and Juliet _**

**_Boy meets girl and promises we can't forget _**

**_We are cast from Eden's gate with no regrets _**

**_Into the fire we cry~_**

/I wish I knew everything was gonna be alright.  I wish I had Crawford's gift.  I wish I didn't have mine.  I wish everything were normal… What is normal?  Not me.  Not my life.  Oh!  Why did I have to fall in love with him?  Its like Romeo and Juliet here!  How clique is that?/  Nagi sighed.  /I just don't know what to do.  I know what I should do.  I should break this off right now before someone gets hurt… namely me.  But that would hurt Omi's feelings.  That would hurt my feelings.  Break my body or break my heart… I don't know what to do./

He sat in his open window, looking out at the night.  He just couldn't sleep.  Not when he didn't know what the next day would bring.

/What can I do?  I can't fight back if Brad decides to punish me.  Esset made sure of that.  I guess I can try to play along… but Schu will see right through it.  And he's so eager to get into Braddy's good graces, and his bed, that he'll run right to Crawford with the information.  Prick./

/What am I going to do?/

**_~I'd die for you _**

**_I'd cry for you _**

**_I'd do anything _**

**_I'd lie for you~_**

/I've had to fight to survive my whole life.  But sometimes, it's knowing when to submit that keeps you alive.  But do I want to do that again?  Every time… I've just rolled over and let Crawford have his way.  When was the last time I got something **I** wanted?/

/When was the last time someone cared for me?  Omi does… I can tell.  It isn't his words, words are meaningless.  Those perverts on the streets mumbled those words all the time.  I never believed them.  But I believe him.  Why?  I know he can lie.  I know he can kill.  I know he isn't what he shows on the outside.  But he cares for me.  I think maybe he even loves me./

/I don't understand.  How can anyone love me?  I'm nothing.  A boy-whore from the streets turned into a whore for Esset.  I'm worthless beyond some computer skills and a weird power somewhere between a curse and a gift.  But he loves me…/

/And that's why I'll do anything for him… anything…/

**_~You know it's true _**

**_Baby I'd die for you _**

**_I'd die for you _**

**_I'd cry for you _**

**_If it came right down to me and you _**

**_You know it's true, Baby I'd die for you~ _**

/I'm not going to give him up.  Not this time.  Never.  At least, not willingly. /

As if waiting for his mind to finally reach a decision, Nagi finally felt the weight of his exhaustion on his body.  Checking once more to make sure his room was secure, both physical and mental locks in place.  He eased beneath the covers.  Nagi sighed… he really wanted Omi there to hold him. 

**_~I might not be a savior _**

**_And I'll never be a king ~_**

/So far… so good./  Nagi peeked around the edge of his door.  He'd snuck down to the kitchen once for food, other than that, he'd hidden in his room all day.  /I really don't understand what the big deal is.  It's not like I can tell Omi any secrets or anything, the conditioning is too strong.  It's MY free time; I should be able to do what I want with it.  Crawford never harasses Schu about going out… I mean, come on.  Schu's fucking a different guy or girl every night.  He's more of a security risk than I am./  He sighed and froze, listening.

Silence.

That in and of itself was worrisome.  The apartment was rarely silent if anyone was there.  /Maybe they got called out./  It wasn't unusual for Crawford and Schu to have to accompany Takatori to various parties and social events.  Half the time they got no warning at all.  If they were truly gone, then Farf would be locked up.  Which meant, he was home free.

Ghosting down the hallway on silent feet, Nagi paused between Schu and Crawford's bedrooms.  Still quiet.  Farf's door was closed and the light was off.  The whole place was dark, the only illumination coming from the huge windows in the living room, and the dimmed lights in the kitchen.  He held his breath and mentally crossed his fingers, tiptoeing past the living room.  No one was in the kitchen, so it was only Crawford's office to get by and he was safe.  

Nagi paused by the office door.  He heard a low murmuring sound.  He pressed his ear to the doorframe, hoping to identify the noise.

"Aaaiiiieee!!!"  The boy stumbled as the door was suddenly jerked open.  Hard hands grabbed him and hauled him in to unceremoniously dump him on the floor in a heap.  Nagi was momentarily blinded by the lights, his eyes having accustomed themselves to the dark in the rest of the apartment.

"Going somewhere?"

As the spots cleared, Nagi could see the other three members of Schwarz staring down at him.

**_~I might not send you roses _**

**_Or buy you diamond rings ~_**

Nagi picked himself up off the floor, brushing at the imaginary dirt on his jeans.  "Why yes I was."  He was trying to be nonchalant about it, but inside he was quaking.

"And where do you think you were going?"

"Out."

"Out where?"

"Where I was going."

"Which was?"  Brad was starting to lose it.

"Out."

The American clenched his hands and Nagi was sure he wanted to wrap them around his own thin neck.  He knew he wasn't getting out of it, so his only chance was to bluff his way through the situation and hope he didn't get killed.  Brad controlled himself with visible effort and walked around the desk to sit in his chair.  /Freaking king on his throne./  Nagi remained where he was, the picture of apathetic teenager.

Once seated the man steepled his fingers in front of his face and nodded to Nagi's right.  Too quick to react, Schuldich was behind the boy, his hands on either side of his head.  The telepath forced his way into Nagi's mind without care or warning.

**_~But if I could see inside you _**

**_Maybe I'd know just who we are ~_**

Nagi fell to his knees, the redhead bending over to retain contact.  The German ruthlessly plowed through his mind leaving behind pain and disorientation.  When he finally let go, the younger assassin collapsed to the floor, moaning feeling almost as if he'd been raped.  In a sense he knew he had been.  He could hear Schu talking to Crawford and Farf interrupting a couple times.  Then footsteps and silence.

It was several minutes before he could even think of opening his eyes.  When he did, he still winced, and then laboriously rolled to his knees and pulled himself to his feet using Crawford's desk.  As he stood there, wavering on unsteady legs, he noticed the American studiously watching him from the other side of the desk.  The man was smiling at his struggles.

"Not so mouthy now are you?"

Nagi decided discretion was the better part of valor and remained silent, he did however school his features back into an expressionless mask.

"Do you really think he cares for you?"

His midnight blue eyes narrowed slightly.  What was Crawford getting at?

"I mean, really.  What are you?  An ex-whore.  Member of Schwarz.  His ENEMY.  What make you think he gives a damn about you?"

"Shut up."

"Or maybe you're not an EX-whore.  Tell me… does he pay you for services rendered?"

"SHUT THE HELL UP!!  You asshole!  How can you even say things like that!  You don't know me!  You never have.  You don't understand how I feel!  I LOVE HIM!!"

Nagi froze.  He didn't just say that, did he?  Crawford's eyes went flat.

**_~'Cause our love is like a hunger _**

**_Without it we would starve ~_**

He gasped as another kick landed on his already aching ribs.  He hoped none of them were broken, but right now everything hurt too much to tell.  He knew he was already bleeding from a gash on his forehead, the result of getting thrown into the corner of Crawford's mahogany desk.  He could taste the metallic tang in his mouth, but couldn't tell if that was from the punch to the face or if he was coughing up blood.  One eye already felt like it was swelling shut and he was pretty sure his wrist was sprained, if not broken.  His mind kept a running account of his injuries, more as a distraction from the beating than anything else.  He grunted at yet another blow to his back, but stayed where he was, kneeling on the carpet, hopefully protecting the more vulnerable parts of his body.

Suddenly, the blows stopped.  Nagi didn't move.  /Please be done… please be done… just stay still and maybe he'll leave… please leave… Omi…/  It was so hard… but he refused to cry and give Crawford the satisfaction.

White-hot pain lanced across his back, and Nagi screamed.  The belt fell again and again.  Agony, pure agony laced through his body as first his clothing and then his flesh parted before the now blood-slick leather.  Nagi thanked the gods that Omi wasn't there… that he didn't have to suffer like this.  He prayed that if Crawford killed him, that his lover would never know the truth.  But he feared Omi would come searching for him.  Crawford would kill the blond, after torturing him for everything he knew.  "I love you Omi." He whispered before the darkness overtook him completely.

**_~In a world that don't know Romeo and Juliet _**

**_Boy meets girl and promises we can't forget _**

**_We are cast from Eden's gate with no regrets _**

**_Into the fire we cry ~_**

The carpet under his face was rough, harsh against his skin.  That was the first thing Nagi noticed.  A bit of fluff from the pile was tickling his nose.  He started to reach up to bat it away and nearly screamed.  He lay there, gasping, involuntary tears burning a trail down his bruised face.  Everything came back in a rush and Nagi groaned.  Somehow, he was alive.

He pulled his knees up underneath him, hissing at the pain even that caused.  His head swam as he struggled to push himself up enough to sit.

'Hurts don't it?' 

Nagi jerked and just barely bit back his cry.  Lounging on the couch, watching him, was Schu.  The boy didn't answer; he was too busy trying not to be sick.

_'Yeah, I wouldn't throw up in here if I were you.  Brad's already bitching about the carpet.'_  He shifted sitting up and staring at Nagi intently.  _'Tell me gaki… was it worth it?'_

"What?"  Nagi whispered around the bruises on his throat.

'Was it worth it?  Being beat like that… for what?  A flower boy?' 

"You… you don't understand."

Schu cocked his head.  _'You're right… I don't.  There's some water on the desk, as soon as you can stand, we're leaving.'_  He got up and stalked from the room.

Nagi winced at the sight of the bloodstained carpet and reached up for the glass of water.  He drank it greedily, the cool liquid soothing the pain in his throat if nothing else.  Steeling himself and using the edge of Crawford's desk again, he forced himself to his feet.  Nearly blacking out at every step, Naoe Nagi limped from the room.

**_~I'd die for you _**

**_I'd cry for you _**

**_I'd do anything _**

**_I'd lie for you~_**

He sat rigid… trying not to let his back touch the seat.  Schu was whining inside his head about the blood and how he better not stain his spotless interior.  As if he wasn't in enough pain already.  The redhead stopped suddenly at a light, forcing a cry from Nagi as the seatbelt cut into his injuries.

"Hang on a little longer kid."

"I thought I was the gaki?"

"You are.  But still.  He really did a number on you didn't he."

"Aa."  Nagi knew he wasn't going to last much longer.  The darkness at the edge of his vision kept coming back.  His body was desperate to shut down, to try to heal.  Each turn and jolt of Schu's red sports car sent fire through his tortured body.  The German turned again; they were in a completely unfamiliar section of town.  "A… anou…"

'What?' 

"Where…"

'Brad said to dump you off somewhere.  His Highness has decided that he's put up with your shit for long enough.  You got your wish gaki, you're no longer a member of Schwarz.'

"WHAT?!"

'As of tonight… you're gone.  Brad's already informed Takatori and Esset is being notified tomorrow.'

"But… they'll…"

'Yeah… better watch your back.  You better appreciate what I'm doing for you here.  Brad said to dump you off; 'back to the streets he came from' was the phrase I believe.  But I'm a little more compassionate tonight."

The cars eased to a stop in front of a small building.  The bottom floor appeared to be a store, apartments above.  'End of the line, gaki.  This is it.'

"Where?"

'That store there is Koneko no Sumi Ie.'

"But that's…"

'Yup, now you can't say I'm not a nice guy.  When the mood strikes me of course.  Get out!  And remember if we see you again… you're dead.'

Nagi very painfully eased himself out of the car.  "Thank you."

'Actually kid, I'm jealous.'

"OF WHAT?!"

'You got out.'  He pulled away in a squeal of tires, leaving Nagi shivering in the street.

**_~You know it's true _**

**_Baby I'd die for you ~_**

Wincing with every step, Nagi made his way down the alley to the back of the building.  His vision graying a little he rang the bell, praying that someone… anyone would be home.

"JUST A MINUTE!"

He could hear a lock being released and then the door opened a crack.  A blue eye peered out.  "Yes?"

"Omi…" Nagi croaked.

The door was yanked open and the blond assassin stood in the doorway, his mouth gaping in horror at the condition of the boy outside.  "Omi… what's…"  Youji's voice fell as he too saw what was waiting on their back doorstep.  "Chibi, get the first aid kit, quickly."  Omi disappeared and Youji reached out to help the ex-Schwarz member inside.

**_~I'd die for you _**

**_I'd cry for you _**

**_If it came right down to me and you _**

**_You know it's true, Baby I'd die for you ~_**

Owari

Or not… I'm not sure whether this will have a sequel or not… will probably depend on the response I receive.  So let me know what you think!


	2. In These Arms

"In These Arms" 

by Yanagi-sen

Weiss Kreuz songfic

Usual disclaimers apply… song by Bon Jovi.. characters not mine… don't sue… the usual…

Warnings: angst, yaoi, more angst… 

/character thoughts/

****

**_~You want commitment _**

**_Take a look into these eyes ~_**

It's his eyes.  Those amazingly expressive pools of midnight blue.  His face often reveals nothing, but those eyes… they reflect what is in his soul.  Right now, inches from my own, they are hazy from our loving, as content and peaceful as I've ever seen them… or him.

He curls into my embrace, face tucking into my shoulder.  He's like a kitten, accepting the warmth and comfort of loving arms around him.  It's taken a while to get to this point.  He's still a little wary.  Afraid that once again, this fragile feeling of trust will be broken.

I accept his fear.  It isn't unfounded after all.  I knew from the first, that he was no innocent.  But he is still shy with me sometimes, afterwards.  He's not used to having someone stick around, having someone hold him, having someone committed only to him.

**_~They burn with a fire, just for you now ~_**

He sighs as he pulls away.  He doesn't want to go.  I don't want to go.  But the back office of a rice warehouse isn't exactly the ideal place for a romantic rendezvous.  But for now, it's the best we can do.

It gets harder and harder to part every time.  I can feel the shock in his body as I press him against the wall and plunder his soft mouth with my own.  A month ago, if I had tried this, he would have thrown me across the street.  Not on purpose, just a reflex.  But now, all that happens is that he stiffens before relaxing into the kiss.  When I pull back, his eyes are full of wonder.  We whisper our goodbyes and part in the night, to sneak back into our respective homes.  I wouldn't do this, creep around behind my friends', my family's backs, for just anyone.  But I do it for him… only for him.

**_~Until the end of time _**

**_I would do anything _**

**_I'd beg, I'd steal, I'd die_** ~

Omi bit at his lip.  Nagi's message worried him.  He didn't seem to think his fellow Schwarz members would do much, or rather; he did, but was trying to make Omi think they wouldn't.  He quickly erased the message from his inbox and trash, he couldn't risk Ken-kun or Youji or worse yet, Ran seeing it.  Omi didn't really fear for himself.  But he was afraid they'd find some way to keep them apart.  He was more worried about Manx or Kritiker finding out.  Manx had changed since Persia's death.  She wasn't as… kind to Weiss as she had been.  Almost as if she blamed them for not having saved Shuuichi.

He sighed and logged out, then went up to the back room of the shop.  He made a cup of tea and then sat down to work on the accounts.  Youji had done inventory last week and everything was a total mess.  It wasn't that it was wrong.  It made total sense… to the tall blond… but was incomprehensible to anyone else.  It didn't help that Omi found it hard to concentrate.

"Hey, bishounen… trouble with your girlfriend?"

"Youji!"

"Okay… boyfriend then?"  Omi groaned and hid his face in his arms.  "You need some advice from the great Youji?"

"No I do NOT!"

"Do not what?"

Omi groaned again as Ken and Ran finished closing the shop and came to the back.  "Nothing!  All right?"

"You okay, Omi?  What's wrong?"

He sighed.  "A friend of mine is having trouble with his family.  I'm worried about him."  He squirmed inwardly but it wasn't a complete a lie.  Schwarz WAS the closest thing Nagi had to a family.

"You know, kid, if your friend needs a place to stay I'm sure we can find something."

"Thanks guys, but I'm hoping it won't come to that."  /I hope not… but if I have to, I'll do anything for him.  Even keep him here./

**_~To have you in these arms tonight _**

**_Baby I want you like the roses _**

**_Want the rain ~_**

/He's not coming./

/It's been over an hour.  He's not coming./  Omi slowly turned toward home.  /Oh god… what's happened?/  His mind raced through the possibilities, everything form Nagi grounded and in his room to his lifeless body getting dumped in the bay.  /No… NO… don't think like that!  I'd die if anything happened to him.  I'd just die./

He quietly let himself in.  He didn't expect anyone to be around.  Ran and Ken were probably asleep and he was sure Youji would have gone out.

"Omi?"

The small blond was sure he jumped a foot as the quiet voice came out of the dark.  "Y.. Youji… I thought you went out."

"Didn't feel like it.  You okay?  You look pale."

The words tumbled out before he could think of them.  "He didn't come."

"Who?  That friend you're so worried about?  Was he supposed to meet you?"

"Um… err…" He stared at his feet.  He'd said too much already.

"Omi…"  Youji laid a warm hand on his shoulder.  "I don't know why you don't feel you can talk about him.  But if you are this concerned you need to do something."

"Youji… I… I just don't want him to be hurt anymore."

**_~You know I need you _**

**_Like a poet needs the pain ~_**

The knock at the door was both startling and a relief.  Omi turned from Youji gratefully and headed down the stairs.  "JUST A MINUTE."  It was after one in the morning.  Who could it be at this hour?  Except maybe Manx.  He deactivated the security alarm and unlocked the door, opening it just a crack.  All he could see was a small dark shape huddling to one side.  "Yes?"

"Omi?"

**_~I would give anything _**

**_My blood my love my life ~_**

His voice was so full of pain and even before the light spilled out onto him, I knew.  I knew he wouldn't be standing there if he were okay.  Even so, I wasn't prepared.  I wasn't ready for the bloody, mangled wreck that was my boyfriend.  /My God… what have they done?/

I couldn't move.  I couldn't speak.  I could only stare at my fragile lover in horror.  Nagi seemed unable to move as well.  He was nearly collapsing and I wasn't able to do a thing.

"Omi… what's…"  The words seemed to die on Youji's lips.  Again I was afraid.  What would he say?  What would he do?  Would he toss Nagi back out onto the street?  I could see things working in his head, suspicions and deductions falling into place like the pieces of a puzzle.  "Chibi, get the first aid kit, quickly."  He gave me a little nudge and suddenly I could move.  I ran up the steps and tore into the kitchen, searching under the sink for the large first aid box we kept there… the one we use after missions.  I could hear Youji coaxing Nagi inside and up the stairway.

**_~If you were in these arms tonight _**

**_I'd hold you _**

**_I'd need you_** ~

I sat behind Nagi on the linoleum floor, supporting him as Youji treated his numerous injuries.  I kept touching him gently, his hair, his cheek, trying to give him the anchor he seemed to need so desperately, but not hurting or scaring him in the least.  I knew he was unable to fight back against Crawford… but if he panicked now… well, we weren't on his mental list of untouchables.  The whole bloody tale came out, in ragged spurts mingled with many tears and soft moans of pain.  I was trying to juggle icepack, and bandages and Nagi when Ran and Ken finally came in to see what all the commotion was about.  Youji was trying to wrap my lover's sore and possibly broken ribs and couldn't see them.  Nagi's eyes were squeezed shut against the agony in his torso.  I was the only one who saw them enter.

Ken just stopped and stared.  It must have seemed like a dream.  I mean, here we were… on the kitchen floor, treating the wounds of one of our 'enemies'.  Ran wasn't so frozen.  His face got cold… colder than even when he accused me of being Takatori Mamoru, his eyes becoming little chips of amethyst.  "What is this?"

Nagi jerked, I could feel his heart thumping in his chest.  

**_~I'd get down on my knees for you _**

**_And make everything alright_** ~

"A… Aya-kun…"  In my arms Nagi was panicking, I could tell.  His body was vibrating, a strange otherworldly breeze ghosting over our skin, the glass on the counter started shaking.

"Relax…"  Youji's voice cut through the fear, smothering the fire before it could really get going.  He looked up, catching my lover's terrified eyes.  "I promise, no one is going to hurt you here."

Nagi pulled his power back into himself.  But he still shook in my arms like a leaf in the wind.  Moving very slowly, as if the boy was a wounded animal, Youji reached up and laid a gentle hand against his cheek.  "Calm down.  All you're going to do is hurt yourself farther.  Don't worry about them…" he nodded back over his shoulder.  "I'll take care of it, okay?"

My fragile, broken lover nodded and I could feel him relax slightly.  Youji smiled and stood, in between us and them.  "Yes?"

"What is HE doing here?"  Ran's voice very hard, very cold… and set Nagi shaking again.

Youji shrugged slightly.  "He's hurt.  He needed help."

Ran grit his teeth and Ken took the opportunity to jump in.  "Then why isn't he with the rest of Schwarz?"

"Not Schwarz…"  Nagi's voice sounded very thin, weak, tired.

"Huh?"  Ken looked genuinely puzzled.

"I'm not Schwarz… not anymore…"

There wasn't much they could say after that.  I could see Ken taking in Nagi's injuries as was Ran.  We all knew what it took to inflict wounds like his… we did it on an almost nightly basis.  Youji nodded shortly and then turned to us.

"Come on… I'll help you get him to your room."

**_~If you were in these arms _**

**_I'd love you _**

**_I'd please you _**

**_I'd tell you that I'd never leave you_** ~

Youji helped me lay Nagi out on my bed and then left to deal with our less-than-pleased teammates.  I got water and painkillers from the bathroom, then dragged a chair over next to the bed.  The whole time, Nagi watched me with puzzled eyes.

"What?"

He jerked slightly, wincing, I must have startled him.  "I don't understand…"

I sat down and took his hand in mine… one of the few places on his body that I could touch him and not hurt him.  "What don't you understand?"

"I thought that you might not want to help me.  I… I know how important THEY are to you."

"They are important… but so are you.  And you're hurt."  Didn't he realize I would do anything for him?  All he had to do was ask.  But then… no one else had ever cared for him before, why should he simply assume something he has never experienced.  I can see the tears… just below the surface.  As carefully as I can, I maneuver myself onto the bed and take him in my arms… I seem to be doing a lot of that lately.  I don't mind.

"I know it hurts."

"Yeah."

"I don't just mean your body?"  He can't move, but I can just imagine the inquisitive cock of his head.  "Being thrown out by Schwarz.  I mean… they were your family the way Weiss is mine.  It has to hurt."  I could feel the hot tears starting to escape his eyes.  One was nearly swollen shut, the bruise was bound to be nasty.  I had to find a way to get a doctor to look at him… tomorrow.  Tonight… I just want to hold him, and let him know it'll be okay.

"Nagi… my love… it's gonna be alright.  You'll see.  At least now we don't have to sneak around anymore."

"But what if…"

"I'm not going to let anything happen to you.  And I'm not going to leave you.  I promise."

**_~And love you till the end of time _**

**_If you were in these arms tonight~ _**

Finally, he falls into an uneasy sleep.  I'm glad… cause I can still hear the shouting from down the hall.  Mostly Ran and Youji, but every once in a while I think I hear Ken too.  I'm too tired to deal with them now.  I just have to trust Youji to handle the situation.  I'm not giving Nagi up.  Not now… not ever.

**_~We stared at the sun _**

**_And we made a promise _**

**_A promise this world would never blind us ~_**

The guys are really quiet in the morning when I came down for my shift.  I had awoken, stiff from sitting up all night, but so happy that Nagi was with me, even in his condition.  He hadn't wanted to move, but I got him up and helped him to the bathroom and even got him to eat a little.  Not a lot, but it's a start.  I settled him back in and promised I'd be up to check on him if I could.  He just nodded and tried to go back to sleep.  I don't think he believes me.  Probably not used to anyone taking care of him, knowing what I do of Schwarz… I'm not surprised.

But as a consequence of taking care of him… I'm late.  Ran doesn't even look in my direction, it's as if I'm invisible.  I sigh, he did this just after we found out my identity too.  Ken gives me a slightly forced smile but he is clearly uncomfortable.  Youji… is Youji.  He's already sitting down with his feet propped up on the counter, pretending to go over invoices but actually just slacking off.

"So…" my blond teammate drawls as I lift my apron from its peg and put it on.  "How's your little friend this morning?"

"Sore."

Youji snorts.  "I'm not surprised… they did a Hell of a job on him."

Ran snarls, Ken looks up from the cash register.  "Do you have to talk about him?"

"What's the matter, Ken-ken?"

"He's… well… he's SCHWARZ!"

I looked over in time to see Youji's eyes narrow dangerously.  "He's also only 17 years old, has been beaten nearly to death, and then thrown out of the only house and family he's ever really known.  I'm surprised at you Ken… and you too Ran.  You've both lost family, I'd think you'd be a little more compassionate."

Whatever Ran was going to say was suddenly interrupted by a muffled crash from the apartment upstairs.  I'm halfway up the stairway before I ever realized it.  

"NAGI!!!"  I freeze in the hallway… hoping he'll give me some indication of where I should go.  I hear a faint curse from the kitchen and head that way.  I find my little love on the floor in front of the sink… trying to pick up the shattered remains of one of Youji's coffee cups.  "Nagi… what are you doing?"

"I'm sorry."  He looks up, and his eyes are still dark with pain.  I notice his hands are shaking making it difficult for him to get a hold of the wet shards of porcelain.  I pick up the pieces of the cup, luckily it isn't one of Yotan's favorites and toss them in the trash.  I notice the sink is full of dishes and water… a few plates already drying in the strainer.  Nagi just sits forlornly on the floor.  I kneel in front of him.

"You okay?"

**_~These are my words _**

**_Our words were our songs _**

**_Our songs are our prayers _**

**_These prayers keep me strong ~_**

"I'm sorry."

"Don't worry about it.  Youji's not really attached to that cup.  But what are you trying to do."

He gestured up at the sink.  "The dishes."

"I can see that, but why?"

"I don't want to be a burden."

"Nagi… you're not a burden."

"But…"

"You shouldn't be up.  You should be in bed."

"But… if I can't help you somehow… then I'm not useful.  Useless things should be gotten rid of."

I can't believe it.  How can anyone do this to another human being?  He's actually afraid we will toss him out on the street if he isn't 'useful'?  He didn't get this idea on his own.  How many times has he heard this threat from Crawford?  How many times has he pushed himself to do things he had no place doing just to keep a roof over his head?  I'm suddenly feeling ill, and also very glad I don't know where Crawford is… I want to hurt something.

"Nagi."  I tilt his head up so he has to look me in the eyes.  "I'm not going to make you leave.  You need time to recover.  That doesn't include doing the dishes.  If when you are better you want to help out, we'll find something for you to do.  But for now… what you need to do is rest.  Okay?"

"But I'm so weak… you must despise that about me."

No you're not.  You're not weak at all.  You're one of the strongest people I know.  But you'll never believe me.  Not now.

**_~It's what I believe _**

**_If you were in these arms tonight ~_**

I sigh.  "For now.  The only thing you need to worry about is getting well.  I love you.  I don't mind taking care of you.  I know you would do the same thing for me."

"Omi… is everything all right in here."  Ken stands in the doorway.  I'm a little surprised at the concern in his eyes.  I guess Youji's scolding made him think a little.

"Um… we're fine.  I'm gonna get him back in bed and then I'll be down, okay?"

"Sure kid.  Take you're time.  It's a slow morning."

It takes a fair amount of time and patience to get Nagi back into my room and settled back down again.  I don't know how he made it to the kitchen under his own power.  Then again… I don't know how he managed to make it here at all.  "Need anything before I leave?  And I better NOT see you out of bed unless it's to go to the bathroom."

"But the dishes."

"I'll take care of the dishes."  I gently brush the hair from his bruised face.  "Besides… it's supposed to be Youji's turn."

**_~If you were in these arms tonight _**

**_I'd hold you _**

**_I'd need you _**

**_I'd get down on my knees for you ~_**

"He okay?"  "What happened?"  "…"  I'm barely back downstairs before they start in on me.

"He's fine… he's fine.  Well, he's not but he's as good as can be under the circumstances."

Ran places himself directly in front of me.  He's tall enough that I have to look up.  I'm sure it was very intentional, him towering over me like this.  Just a reminder that despite my role as tactician and planner, HE'S the leader of Weiss.  "Yes, Ran?"  My use of his name is very deliberate… and he knows it.

"What happened?"

I rolled my eyes.  "He was trying to do the dishes."  I step around Ran and head for the watering can… some of the arrangements need water again.  

"Why?"  I can hear the puzzlement in Ken's voice.

"Because he doesn't want to be a burden."

"Or he's just trying to make us think so."

I just saw red…  "Dammit, Ran!  He shows up in the middle of the night… bruised up one side and down the other, BLEEDING from being whipped, in shock physically and mentally; and all you see is that he USED to be Schwarz!  USED TO BE!!  He isn't now!  It's not like he had a choice in the first place.  Do you KNOW what his life was like before?"

Youji grabbed me from behind, trying to get me to calm down… but it wasn't happening.  Ran wanted the truth?  Well dammit I was gonna give it to him.

"Before being taken in by that asshole Crawford… Nagi lived on the street.  He lived there and sold his body for a chance to eat and maybe a warm place to sleep.  The other kids hated him cause he was different, they would throw rocks and beat him up.  And then Crawford appears.  It must have seemed wonderful.  Food, shelter, clothing… and all he had to do was learn how to use that same talent that made everyone else hate him!

"And what happens?  He ends up a slave to Esset!  Someone for them to abuse until he was no longer useful and then what do they do?  They throw him back out on the streets!  You wanna know WHY he couldn't fight back?  Cause Esset screwed with his head so he had no choice but obey that American prick!  He couldn't fight back even if he wanted to!

"Nagi comes to ME!  The one person on Earth who actually gives a damn about him.  Do you have any idea how terrified he is of you?!  How scared he is that Weiss will throw me out the way Schwarz did to him?"  I was starting to fall apart… tears flowing down my face and suddenly… I had no strength left.  I just collapsed in Youji's arms, crying.  "I just don't want to see him hurt again.  That's all anyone's ever done to him before.  I love him…"

**_~And make everything alright ~_**

The backdoor opened suddenly and Manx stood there looking at us.  We all kinda stared at her for a moment.  I don't think we were expecting any interruptions today.

"Manx."  Ran's voice was the same flat tone he always used with the woman.

"I understand you have a Schwarz member on the premises."

I pulled out of Youji's arms and stood, quickly wiping my tears.  "FORMER Schwarz.  And yes, Nagi is here."

"I see.  Well in any case I am here to take him off your hands."

"Now wait a moment…"  

Youji took a step forward, cutting me off.  "Manx.  The boy is injured and we offered him protection.  I don't think it is a good idea for you to take him now."

The redhead frowned, she wasn't used to being thwarted in this way.  "But we really need the information he has…  How about this?  I take him and get him medical attention and ask him a few questions."

"I don't know…"

"Omi… he really needs to have those ribs checked out.  And we can't tell if he has internal injuries.  I think it would be a good idea for him to get some professional treatment."

I pulled Youji over to the side.  "Do you really think he'll be okay?  What if he refuses to answer their questions?"

"Omiitchi… we just have to trust Manx."

"But…"

"I know… she's not the same person who raised you.  But she's still a good person.  Nagi will be okay and you can go down after work and check in on him."

I sighed.  I really feel this is a bad idea.  But Youji has a good point.  If something is really wrong, we can't help Nagi any farther.  "Okay."

**_~If you were in these arms _**

**_I'd love you _**

**_I'd please you ~_**

"Nagi?"  He's sleeping when I take Manx up to my room.  I hate to wake him.  He looks so beautiful as he rests… even with bruises covering almost every inch of visible skin.  We'd dressed him in an old t-shirt and a pair of sweats, but he was still swimming in them.  I guess I never realized how much smaller he was than me.  We're almost the same height… but he carries a lot less weight.  That can't be healthy.  First order of business… get him healed up… second… get more meat on him.  I sit on the edge of the bed and stroke his chocolate-colored hair.  "Nagi…"

"Hmm?"

"I need you to wake up now."  Midnight eyes open and he stares sleepily up at me.  I nod toward the door and his eyes follow my gesture.  He sees Manx and tries to push himself up, I stop him and help him to turn and sit against the headboard, propping a couple pillows behind him.

"Yes?"  His voice is quiet, reflecting none of the pain I KNOW he is in.

"I'm here to take you to a Kritiker facility for medical attention."

He looks at me, obviously questioning her sincerity.  I just shrug.  It's like Manx to omit the real reason she came.  He seems uncertain.  "I think it would be a good idea, Nagi-chan."  He doesn't answer, just nods his acquiescence.  "Manx… can you give us a minute, I'll bring him down."  She frowns, but leaves.

"Are you okay with this?"  

Nagi bites his lip but nods.  "Yeah… I really need to know how bad it is I guess.  Schu used to take me to an Esset clinic but…"  he shrugged.

I hugged him as gently as I could, mindful of the bruises and lash marks criss-crossing his frame.  "Okay.  You go with her and I'll be by to see you later.  I love you, Nagi."

**_~I'd tell you that I'd never leave you ~_**

I'm thinking more and more that this WASN'T a good idea.  I' supposed to be potting those bulbs we just got in, but after having to redo one three times, I've decided it was worthless to continue.  I'm just puttering around back here, idly cleaning, organizing, moving things around.  I should have gone with him.  Or told Manx I'd bring him myself after work.

Ah yes, work.  The usual crush of high-school fangirls is on, but I was so inept Ran sent me out.  I find myself staring at the clock… again.  Only two minutes later than the last time I looked.  I sigh… this day is lasting forever.

**_~And love you till the end of time _**

**_If you were in these arms tonight ~_**

FINALLY!  It takes me all of five minutes to change, grab my jacket and helmet, and get on the road.  I don't think the doctor would be letting Nagi leave tonight.  If by some miracle they are, I can always call Youji to come get him.

The trip across town seems to take forever, between the traffic and those pesky things called traffic laws.

/Please be alright, Nagi.  I should have come with you.  I hope nothing is seriously wrong.  Oh gods… what if you need surgery?  What if right now some doctor you don't know is operating on you?  Why do I always think like this?  You're fine… I know you are… you have to be./

Two more blocks and I'll be there.  Then I can tell him how much I love him.

**_~Your clothes are still scattered _**

**_All over our room_** ~

I can't believe what I'm seeing… I got suspicious when the intern at the desk directed me to this wing.  Last I knew, there were no examination or recovery rooms this way.  No one questioned me as I walked down here.  I'd grown up in this place, everyone know I am Weiss.  Undoubtedly the rumors had gotten around that he was Schwarz.  That a member of Weiss would be coming to see him was probably a given.  So no one was around to see my reaction to finding Nagi locked in a small, barren cell rocking back and forth on his knees.

"Nagi?"  He doesn't seem to notice my entrance, highly unusual.  His past has always made him hyperaware of his surroundings.  For some reason he is missing his shirt, so I can see where some attempt had been made to treat him.  So Manx didn't completely lie to me, but how much other damage had they done.  "Nagi-chan?"

He stops and his eyes slowly drift up to meet mine.  The pain in them… it is indescribable.  "Omi?"  His voice is just barely above a whisper.  I fall to my knees beside him and hold him as he flings his arms around my waist and starts to cry.  I realize that the shoes and socks he was wearing are missing as well.  I see the clothing tossed into a corner.  There is only a think pallet on the floor and a toilet in the corner.  No blanket, no sink, no food or water.

I'm going to kill Manx one of these days.

**_~This old place still smells like _**

**_Your cheap perfume_** ~

It hurts… it hurts so much to have to leave him there, especially with him so visibly upset.  That is what disturbs me the most.  He's usually so private with his emotions, he's got to be so torn up to act like this.  I wrap him in my coat and promise that I'll be back for him.  I'm not sure he believes me.  Why should he?  I also promised him everything would be okay.

He's curled up, facing the wall as I turn to go.  Something in me dies to see him like this.  I need to find Manx.

The red-haired bitch is still in her office when I stalk in and slam the door.  She looks irritated.  Good.

"What is the problem, Bombay?"

Oh, so we're being impersonal are we?  Fine.  "What did you do to Nagi?"  See, I didn't even swear, Ken would be so proud of me.

"We simply asked him a few questions."

"A few questions?!  He's a wreck!"

"Well, he didn't want to answer them.  And we DID treat him first."

I'm trying … gods know I'm trying.  But I am swiftly losing what little patience I have.  "Did you ever consider that maybe Esset messed with his head so he CAN'T answer questions?"

"Of course.  So we tried a few experimental drugs…"

"WHAT?!"

"They should be perfectly safe."

"They SHOULD be?  Have you bothered to check on him?"

"Well… no.  I just told Sasaki to find a place for him."

"He's in a FUCKING CELL!!"

Manx seemed a bit taken back by my tone.  I don't yell at people too often, I usually find it unnecessary.  But tonight, I'm making a special case…  "There's no need to get mad at me."  She's getting rather snippy herself.  "He should be in a cell.  He's SCHWARZ!!  Have you forgotten everything they've done?  The people they've killed?!"

"He isn't Schwarz anymore.  He's a seventeen year old boy!"

"This is a war, Bombay.  And everyone has to pay the price."

I wasn't going to get through.  I can see that.  This bitter, vengeful woman isn't the Manx who raised me.  I turned to leave, ignoring her orders to stop.  I paused and looked back, one last time.  "I'm sorry Manx.  And I think Persia is too.  I don't know you anymore."  And I left.

**_~Everything here reminds me of you _**

**_And there's nothing that I _**

**_Wouldn't do to be in your arms ~_**

I race home and by some miracle, everyone is out.  I start my computer running a contingency program I designed and hurriedly pack.  We won't be able to carry a lot, changes of clothes, basic necessities, my laptop.  I raid the kitchen for easily transportable food and drink.  A half hour and my entire life is sitting in four bags.  I check my program… still working.

I decide individual notes would be best.  I try to apologize to Ran, convince Ken we will be okay, and tell Youji my plans.  I leave them down in the shop, where they won't be found till morning with my keys and the list of passwords for the computer, the Koneko's files, and mission logs.

I force myself to eat, knowing I won't be able to later and pace until the computer chimes.  Hurriedly I feed the proper papers and within minutes, Nagi and I have new lives, right down to birth certificates.  I set up this program as a precaution for Weiss, I never though I 'd actually have to use it.

I set my clean-up program in motion and grab my bags.  I look back one more time.  I'm going to miss this place, it's the only home I've ever really known.

**_~And these were our words _**

**_They keep me strong ~_**

It's harder, getting back in without anyone noticing me, but I HAVE been in and out of this facility since I was six.  I used to play hided and seek with Botan.  I probably know every back hallway and crawlspace better than the architects themselves.  I'm counting on that knowledge now.

/I'm coming Nagi./  I have to stay strong, Nagi needs me.  I cling to that, even as I realize everything I've known in falling apart.  It's child's play to get around security, physical and electronic.  Puleeze!  I DESIGNED most of their systems.

/Hold on./  Please Nagi, you'll be okay.  I'll get you out and we'll just disappear.  No Schwarz, no Weiss, no Esset, no Kritiker, just you… and me.

**_~I'd hold you _**

**_I'd need you_** ~

"Nagi…"  I whisper, just loud enough for you to hear me from where I am in the duct.  You roll over and I can't help but notice the surprise in your midnight eyes.  You really didn't think I'd come for you.

In moments, I have the grate off and you in my arms.  For now, that is enough.

**_~I'd get down on my knees for you _**

**_And make everything alright ~_**

It's slow going, to crawl out through the maze of ductwork.  It's harder for you, your body rebelling, you mind in turmoil.  I'm actually a little surprised you trusted me to follow.  Who knows what those drugs are doing to you, but you are obviously not all there.  I'd half expected to have to plead with you.  But somehow, in spite of the pain confusion, you remember that you trust me.

Soon, we'll be out of here, soon.  And then I can make sure no one will hurt you like this ever again.

**_~If you were in these arms _**

**_I'd love you _**

**_I'd please you_** ~

We are lucky that is isn't far from Kritiker headquarters to one of the main stations for the rail system.  As much as I hate having to make Nagi walk, it's necessary.  I left the bike back at Kritiker, I don't want them to realize a) that we've left and b) how we left.  I know they'll catch on, but hopefully by then we'll be are enough ahead.

"Omi?"

I turn, expecting him to collapse at my feet.  Somehow, someway, Nagi's still standing, and his eyes are more lucid than they were before.  "Nagi-chan?"

"Thank you."

"For?"

"You've given everything up.  For me.  I'm not worth it."

I very carefully set the bags on the ground and pull him close.  "Nagi-chan… you are definitely worth it."

****

**_~I'd tell you that I'd never leave you ~_**

"I promise, no matter what happens, YOU are worth it."

**_~And love you till the end of time _**

**_If you were in these arms tonight ~_**

TBC


	3. Born To Be My Baby

"Born To Be My Baby" 

by Yanagi-sen

Weiss Kreuz fanfic

Part 3 of the I'd Die For You arc.

Usual disclaimers apply.  These poor tortured bishies aren't mine… if they were I'd string Crawford up right next to Manx and probably Schu too, I hate tattletales…  Oh and I've also had a request from Cat, she would like to slap Ran, I guess I should start a line for that too…

Warnings: angst, yaoi (like you weren't expecting that…)

/character thoughts/

**_~Rainy night and we worked all day _**

**_We both got jobs cause there's bills to pay ~ _**

Omi unlocked the door and then set his shoulder against it hard to get it to open.  The humidity in the air was making the wood swell again.  He sighed as he forced the door back closed and kicked off his shoes in the entryway.  "Tadaima!"  Omi set down his bags to toss his soaking coat onto a nail beside the door before picking them up again.  He toed the footwear into a neater line and then went on into the small apartment.  They weren't in Japan anymore, but habits were hard to break.  He dropped his bag and the sack of groceries on the kitchen counter and looked around.  Dinner hadn't been started yet, which was odd.  "Nagi?"

He put the few perishable items in their small refrigerator and went looking for his missing partner.  The apartment wasn't much bigger than his one room at the Koneko had been.  An open kitchen-living area, a closet of a bathroom, and a tiny bedroom.  Not to mention it wasn't exactly in an ideal location, a renovated house in Singapore's Chinatown.  The house was actually quite pretty and they were lucky to find a place, but the area was busy and crowded, and Omi knew his lover had problems with large groups of people.  But the government run apartments were hard to get into if you weren't a permanent resident, and the condos were well out of their price range for now.  Nagi wasn't in the 'living room', a small area having only a low table, some cushions, and a small TV in the corner.  The bathroom door was open so he wasn't there, that left the bedroom.

Omi peered in through the partially open door ignoring the droplets of water dripping out of his hair and into his eyes.  The bedroom, like the rest of the place, wasn't much too look at, although it certainly was the most comfortable room in the place.  A smallish futon, large enough for both of them only because they were so small, a few floor cushions, and another small chubadai containing their only item of value besides each other, Omi's laptop.  

Omi's missing lover was there, seated in the open window, staring out into the steadily driving rain.

**_~We got something they can't take away _**

**_Our love, our lives ~_**

"Nagi?"  A pair of midnight blue eyes slid over to him.  There was an odd listlessness to them, as if the soul within had fled.  Omi sighed, six months and the damage still hadn't been fully repaired.  He crossed the small room and wrapped his arms around the fragile form in the window.  "Shit, Nagi!  You're soaked."

"Huh?"  As if noticing him for the first time, Nagi blinked and then straightened.  "Omiitchi, you're home."

"Yeah, you didn't hear me come in."  Omi gave his lover another squeeze and then pulled aside the curtain that served as the door to their closet.  He started pulling dry clothing out for both of them.

"Hmm… I guess I didn't."  He ducked but couldn't evade the towel Omi tossed at him.  

"I guess you didn't notice the rain coming in the window either, did you?"

Nagi blushed but covered by toweling off his damp hair.  "Truthfully, no… I didn't."  His small hands were cold enough to be shaking so Omi batted them away from the buttons, undoing the shirt himself.

"What would you do without me to take care of you?"

"I'd probably be dead."  He answered, completely serious.

Omi looked deeply into Nagi's eyes, just inches away from his own.  The lingering depression was in the forefront now, as usual when it rained for so many days in a row.  "Then I guess it's a good thing I'm here."

**_~Close the door, leave the cold outside _**

**_I don't need nothing when I'm by your side_** ~

Nagi shivered slightly, not so much from the dampness but the nearness of Omi's body to his.  He kissed the blond lightly on the cheek, smiling to push back his dark mood, and then started to remove his partner's shirt.  "How was your day, lover?"

Omi smiled.  "Pretty good actually.  I got a lot of work done.  We're actually ahead of schedule surprisingly enough."

"That'll change."

"It always does.  Why can't the client ever know exactly what they want BEFORE they hire the programmers?"  He nuzzled the side of Nagi's neck and kissed under the brunette's ear causing the smaller man to inhale sharply.

"Hmm… cause clients are idiots that have no concept what programming is like…  ooohh…"

Omi lowered Nagi to the futon and striped the remaining clothing from them both.  "I guess so.  But it's really nice to come home."

"I'm glad you're home."  He held his arms open, welcoming Omi to lay with him.  The blond took him up on his offer, their bodies curling together with the ease of much practice.  He started to kiss a line down the dark-haired teen's throat.

"I can never wait for the day to end, knowing you're here for me."

**_~We got something that'll never die _**

**_Our dreams, our pride ~_**

-flashback-

"I promise, no matter what happens, YOU are worth it."  I picked up the bags and lead the way to the train station.  Parking Nagi and the luggage on a nearby bench I went to the ticket counter and picked up the two one-way passes to Fukuoka I had reserved earlier.  He was nearly asleep even before I got back.  "Nagi?  Nagi?"  

_"Huh?"_

_He looks so lost right now.  Fragile, like he'll break any second.  "The train doesn't leave till morning."_

_"Oh… should we go somewhere?"_

_Omi checked his watch.  "It's already pretty late, it took longer than I thought it would to get here.  If you don't mind, we can just stay here.  It's only a few hours."  /And you look like you'll collapse if we walk much farther./_

_"Okay."  Nagi made himself comfortable against Omi's shoulder._

_"Nagi… you have to eat something."  The brunette roused himself, uncurling his sore body in the window seat.  Omi could see the countryside of the Kyoto Prefecture. _

_"What time is it?  Where are we?"_

_"It's just after eight and were a little outside of Kyoto.  We'll be arriving in Fukuoka around eleven."  He handed the smaller boy some of the food he'd brought from the Koneko.  He was worried.  Nagi's injuries, while not life threatening, were serious.  He should be in a bed, not on a bullet train to Kyushu.  "How are you feeling?  I have some pain pills if you want one."  The brunette bit his lip… and then nodded.  Omi fished out one of the small pills and handed it to him along with a bottle of water._

_"Doumo."_

_He gave Nagi a gentle kiss, pulling him against his shoulder again.  "Go back to sleep, love.  I'll wake you when we arrive."_

****

**_~My heart beats like a drum (all night) _**

**_Flesh to flesh, one to one (and it's alright)_** ~

_"Here, love."  He handed Nagi the cup of ramen.  "Thank you miss."_

_The girl smiled brushing her long green bangs back behind her ears again.  "Please, call me Yachii.  Have a good afternoon."_

_Omi smiled his thanks and steered Nagi toward one of the nearby benches.  "Sorry we can't go somewhere to eat.  But our flight leaves in a couple hours and I know we have to be there at least an hour before hand to get through the baggage checks."_

_"That's okay.  How did you manage tourist visas for China so quickly anyways?"_

_The blond grinned.  "I have my ways.  Eat up.  We have to get going."_

_Fortunately, Omi's computer program had done its work well.  The officials quickly passed them through and they boarded.  "Ugh… sorry about the seats."  They were stuck in the very crowded coach section.  "At least it's only for a couple hours."  The blond was getting a little concerned.  Nagi wasn't talking hardly at all, nodding or shrugging and that was it.  "Nagi-chan… are you feeling okay?"_

_Midnight eyes looked over.  "I guess."  Biting back tears of frustration he wrapped an arm around the smaller boy, getting as close as the seats allowed. _

_"I'm sorry."_

_"It's not your fault… you didn't know."_

_"But you did.  You didn't want to go.  I could tell and I still sent you… with HER!"_

_"Omiitchi… please.  Not now.  Later.  Not now."  Omi could tell Nagi was close to his breaking point.  The best they could do was wait and talk later._

_"No problem.  Oh, they just turned on the seatbelt sign.  Do you need help?"  He asked quickly as the teen's face paled._

_"Yes… I can't reach it… hurts too much."_

**_~And I'll never let go cause _**

**_There's something I know deep inside ~_**

/Nagi is really dragging now.  I hope he can hold out till we can get to the train…/  "Nagi… do you want to rest for a while?"  The brunette just shrugged.  Omi steered him toward a small restaurant.  An elderly Chinese woman came over to their table.  She spoke very fast, obviously asking for their order.  Omi looked at Nagi.  Midnight eyes stared back at him.  "I don't suppose you know what she said."  Nagi shook his head.  The blond sighed… this could be difficult.  "Anou…"

_The woman blinked and then smiled.  "Nihongo?"_

_"Hai."_

_She turned toward the back and shouted.  "Miki!"  A young girl with very long blond hair and odd lavender eyes walked over.  The woman spoke to her and gestured to the waiting boys._

_"Hi!  I'm Miki… you speak Japanese?"_

_Omi sighed with relief.  "Hai."_

_"What would you like?"_

_"Um… just some tea, please."_

_"Okay."  She bounced off.  Omi and Nagi sat silently, watching the crowds.  Very soon, Miki returned not only with their tea, but also a small bamboo steamer with several dumplings inside.  "I know you didn't order it.  Babushka insisted."  She nodded to the old Chinese woman behind the counter.  "Enjoy."_

_"How long is this train ride anyways?"_

_"About 24 hours."  Nagi sighed.  "I know, love.  And I'm sorry I couldn't get better accommodations."_

_The brunette shook his head.  "It's not your fault, at 708 Hong Kong dollars a piece…  At least we could get ON the train."_

_"Yeah, with so many people… the railways are packed.  I would have flown us to Hong Kong… but if anyone's following."_

_"I know.  This will throw off pursuit.  I know the berth is small but… could you… stay with me?  At least till I fall asleep?"_

_"Do you have to ask?" _

**_~You were born to be my baby _**

**_And baby, I was made to be your man ~_**

Nagi wasn't doing well, he had to admit that.  Even with sleeping for most of the nearly 24-hour train ride from Shanghai to Hong Kong, the delicate teen seemed exhausted.  A lot of it was due to his injuries, Omi knew.  But part of it had to be the stress.  Mentally, emotionally, the boy was on his last legs, but he would never complain, never give voice to his need to rest.  It was up to Omi to decide when they stopped, when they ate, when they slept.

_"Nagi-chan… wake up…"_

_"Huh?"_

_"We're almost into Hong Kong, we'll be getting off soon."_

_"Oh.  Then another plane, right?"_

_"Well…  I though we should stay here for a couple days.  It's gonna be crazy once we get to Singapore, looking for jobs and a place to stay.  I've never visited Hong Kong before, I think we should enjoy it."_

_"Can we afford to?  I mean, it costs a lot to be a tourist… and who knows who might be after us by now?"_

_Omi wrapped his arms around the slight figure, Nagi settled in with a little sigh.  "We'll be fine, love.  We'll be fine."  /And you need the rest./_

_/I guess maybe this wasn't a good idea./  After finding a cheap place to stay and a quick bit to eat, Omi had suggested a walk around the area.  He hadn't figured on it being so crowded in the streets, nor Nagi's reaction to the crush of people.  The brunette was basically panicked, clutching onto Omi's arm like it was a lifeline.  He hadn't though about it, but Nagi probably hadn't had to deal with crowds like this since his time on the streets.  He kicked himself mentally again, now they were lost._

**_~We got something to believe in _**

**_Even if we don't know where we stand ~_**

Omi was frustrated.  Here was Nagi, practically hyperventilating with anxiety beside him and he couldn't find anyone who spoke one of the two languages he did.

_"Excuse me…"_

_He whirled.  There stood an Asian girl with very long, dark hair.  And she had spoken English.  "Hai?"_

_"I couldn't help overhearing.  Do you need some help?"_

_"Hai!  I mean, yes, please.  We got turned around and I can't understand what they are saying."_

_"Where are you staying?"  He showed her the matchbook he's taken from the hotel.  "Okay, I'll ask.  My name's Ami by the way."_

_"Here you go."_

_"Thank you so much.  How can we repay you?"_

_"Don't worry about it, I was glad to help.  Just go take care of your friend, he looks sick."_

_Omi thought fast.  "Car accident.  And then we didn't know that the crowds would bother him this way."_

_"Yeah, it is kinda crazy if you're not used to it.  Hey, if you ever decide to visit California… look me up."  She said with a wink, slipping him a piece of paper with her name, address and phone number.  She smiled at Nagi who gave a wan smile in return, and then she was gone._

-end flashbacks-

**_~Only God would know the reasons _**

**_But I bet he must have had a plan _**

**_Cause you were born to be my baby _**

**_And baby, I was made to be your man_** ~

/It was amazing we even made it here.  Poor Nagi was hurting so bad.  I really thought I'd have to find a hospital for him./  He stroked his soft hair, the color of dark chocolate, and lay a gentle kiss on his temple.  The slighter teen wasn't moving much, resting after their loving.  He stirred slightly at Omi's touch, then settled in snuggling into the warm arms around him.  The blond hugged him, and then stared off again, thinking.  /Six months we've been here.  We got so lucky running into Faith at the airport./  He smiled, thinking of the native Singaporean girl who had taken them under her wing, so to speak, helping them with those first few difficult weeks.

Finding an apartment and furnishing it minimally had taken the rest of the money Nagi had been able to squirrel away.  Omi hadn't had much to contribute, Kritiker paid them next to nothing and what he made at the Koneko had barely covered his expenses at the time.  Fortunately the recession had turned around just before they reached Singapore so Omi had been able to find a programming job fairly quickly.  But Nagi wasn't so lucky…

Shaking off the disquieting thoughts, Omi carefully disengaged himself from his lover and rose, tucking the blanket back in around him.  Nagi made a soft noise of complaint, then burrowed into the warm spot Omi had left.  The blond smiled, best to let him sleep a little, then crept from the room.

He bustled about in the small kitchen.  He wasn't as good a cook as Nagi, and the brunette tried to do the housework since he was the one home all day, but Omi didn't mind giving his lover a break tonight.  They ate simply, the best they could do on their limited budget, but he made sure their meals were nutritional.  Boring occasionally, but nutritional nonetheless.  Nagi couldn't afford to neglect himself, his health had never been too strong to begin with.  Omi wished yet again for some decent Japanese food.  Maybe they could stretch it and go to one of the Japanese markets this week.

A soft sound made him look up.  Nagi stood in the doorway of the bedroom, dressed in the dry clothes Omi had laid out for him.  He had a slightly sheepish look on his face.

"I'm sorry I fell asleep.  You should have woken me up, I would have made dinner."

**_~Light a candle, blow the world away _**

**_Table for two on a TV tray _**

**_It ain't fancy, baby that's OK _**

**_Our time, our way ~_**

"I know, Nagi-koi.  But you looked so kawaii, I didn't want to disturb you."  The dark-haired one blushed but went and sat down at their small table.  Omi brought the food over.  "Besides… I like to cook sometimes."

"But… you work all day."

The blond dropped down to his cushion and began to dig in.  "So do you."

"It's not the same."

"Sure it is.  You're just lucky enough to work from home.  You don't have to deal with the commute."  Nagi opened his mouth to protest.  "Love, stop worrying and eat.  Okay?  I love you.  I don't mind taking care of you."  The brunette nodded and started to eat, or rather nibble at his food.  Omi sighed.

**_~So hold me close better hang on tight _**

**_Buckle up, baby, it's a bumpy ride_**

**_We're two kids hitching down the road of life _**

**_Our world, our fight_** ~

Omi watched as Nagi picked at his food… eating little.  The younger teen's emotional state had been a roller coaster for the last several months.  Ever since Manx had given him those damn drugs…  He controlled himself, aware that the brunette was very adept at picking up on his agitation.  He wasn't sure exactly what was happening, they barely had enough money to live and eat let alone for a doctor, but it was obvious something was going on.  Nagi would be fine for days, even a week at a time, then Omi would come home to find him like he was today.  Despondent, detached, totally unaware of the world around him.  When it was exceptionally bad, all the blond could do was bundle his smaller lover in a blanket and rock him until he came back of his own accord.

In the first few weeks, Nagi had lost weight, that he could ill afford to lose, and it was a trial getting him to put it back on.  His injuries had healed for the most part, except for a few scars on his back, which Omi was careful to never let him know about.  But the oddest change, for good or ill, Nagi could no longer access his gift.  He said it was still there, he could 'feel' it… he just couldn't use it.  Omi was unsure whether that was due to the drugs, the injuries, or some undiscovered psychological block.  But essentially, Naoe Nagi of Schwarz and Esset… was no more.

Then there was the whole deal of finding work.  Omi had graduated the year before, amazingly, since Weiss had taken so much of his time.  Plus he'd honestly thought he wouldn't LIVE long enough to graduate.  So coming into Singapore, he had grades and references, albeit messed with to disguise his previous life, with which to find work.  And he had.  For a relatively young computer software company.  But Nagi…

The younger teen had never formally gone to school, with the sole exception of a couple years of Esset training, not something he could put on a resume.  Nagi was probably one of the most intelligent and well-educated individuals Omi had ever met.  But he had no credentials.  No grades.  No national rankings.  Nothing he could use.  They had rapidly discovered that without those things, Nagi had no chance of finding a 'real' job.  Not to mention his emotional problems and reclusive behavior kept him in the apartment unless he was with Omi.  Nagi had taken the disappointment well.  He'd found a way to work from home, doing web design and other online jobs that he could take on as he felt up to doing them.  And he 'kept' the house, something he obviously enjoyed.  But still… Omi knew he keenly felt guilty for not being able to really contribute to their life together.  

**_~If we stand side by side (all night) _**

**_There's a chance we'll get by (and it's alright) _**

**_And I'll know that you'll live _**

**_In my heart till the day that I die ~_**

/It doesn't matter.  I'll take care of him for the rest of our lives if I have too.  As long as he's happy./

"Omi…"

"Sorry… I was spacing.  What did you say?"

"I asked if you were done.  I'll do the dishes since you cooked."

"Sure, I'll help you carry them in."

"No… you just relax.  I'll take care of it."

"You're a good little housewife you know."  He kept his tone light so Nagi knew he was teasing.  But the brunette's dark mood seemed to have lifted cause he was smiling slightly.

"Just don't get it in your head to make me wear a pink apron."  Omi followed his lover into the kitchen, watching him fill the sink and start to work on the dishes.

"Oh, I don't know.  You, pink apron, kitchen, very sexy…"

"I believe the word you are looking for is 'kinky' not sexy."

"You're always sexy."

"And you're always flattering me."

"Well, it's true."  

Nagi turned and swatted at him with a dishtowel.  "Get out of my kitchen!  You're distracting me."

Omi laughed and turned to leave.  "But aren't I a good distraction?"  He laughed again as the towel hit him in the back of the head.

**_~Cause you were born to be my baby _**

**_And baby, I was made to be your man ~_**

"Omi?"

The blond tilted his head toward his lover to show he'd heard him but didn't stop working.  "Hm?"

"Are you coming to bed soon?"  Nagi's voice was very quiet, almost hesitant.  Omi looked over what he had done.  It would be enough, he could finish it in the morning.

"Just let me get ready Nagi-koi."  He shut down the program and quickly did his evening routine in the bathroom.  He came back in to see the brunette already under the covers, midnight eyes darkened nearly to black in the low light.  Omi slid under the blankets and pulled Nagi's shaking body to his own.

"What's wrong, love?"

"Just lonely."

"Aa."  It took a lot to get Nagi to confess that he needed something.  The former street rat had grown up relying only on himself, it was hard for him to turn to others.  "Are you sure you're okay."

"Iie."

**_~We got something to believe in _**

**_Even if we don't know where we stand ~_**

"What's wrong?"

"I don't know."

Omi sighed.  He thought he knew but he didn't want to tell the him.  Nagi had some definite abandonment issues that they were still trying to work through.  Instead of trying to tell his younger lover, again, he put actions to use, rolling Nagi over onto his back and covering his slight body with his own.  He captured the shocked teen's mouth in a deep kiss.

**_~Only God would know the reasons _**

**_But I bet he must have had a plan _**

**_Cause you were born to be my baby _**

**_And baby, I was made to be your man ~_**

The brunette moaned softly as Omi trailed soft kissed down the side of his neck.  He arched, baring his throat to the gentle assault.  Nagi gasped, shivering as the blond found a particularly sensitive spot and lavished his attention on it.  

"Oh… Omi…"

Omi nibbled gently at the junction of Nagi's neck and shoulder as his fingers undid the drawstring on his lover's black silk boxers.  The younger man preferred not to sleep naked, old fears and memories still lingering.  The black silk was already tented in the front and the brunette was eagerly squirming out of the soft clothing.  Omi teased him though, pulling the cloth down inch by inch, all the while making his lover moan in frustration.  

Nagi's fingers too had been busy and his hands didn't linger, nearly shoving the blonde's loose pants off in his haste to bare his love's soft skin.  His slender hands traced patterns on Omi's muscular back trying to entice his older lover to hurry up.  Finally, Nagi lay bared in their bed, clad only by moonlight.  Omi paused, sitting back on his heels and admiring the sight.

"You're beautiful."

Nagi ducked away, a pale blush spreading across his fair face.  "No I'm not."

Omi picked up his hand kissing each finger and then his wrist.  "Yes, love, you are."

**_~My heart beats like a drum (all night) _**

**_Flesh to flesh, one to one (and it's alright) _**

**_And I'll never let go cause _**

**_There's something I know deep inside ~_**

Nagi gasped as the blond proceeded to suck on his fingers.  A mischievous light came into the older teen's cerulean eyes as Omi suddenly abandoned his digits and simply went down on him.  

"Aaaaa…"  The brunette cried out as his talented love proceeded to swallow his whole length.  He groaned.  "Omi… where did you learn to do that?"

The blond paused, rubbing his cheek alongside Nagi's stiff erection like a cat marking his territory.  "I watched you love.  Now stop distracting me."  And he wrapped his lips around the slight man's length again.

Omi set an excruciatingly slow pace.  Nagi was whimpering, reduced to begging as the blond continued to suck him, taking long slow strokes and teasing the head before sliding back down to the base.  

Finally, it was all too much and without warning, Nagi came with a soft cry.  Omi didn't pull back, simply swallowed everything his lover had to give him, thinking the gift so much sweeter as it was freely given.  When he was done, the blond lay beside his gasping partner, holding him as he recovered.

**_~Cause you were born to be my baby _**

**_And baby, I was made to be your man_** ~

"Feel good?"  Omi finally asked.

Nagi opened his midnight blue eyes.  "God yes!"

The blond laughed.  "Good."  His blue eyes sparkled with a good deal of lust.

The smaller man smiled, his eyes showing their own amount of passion.  "I suppose you would like something similar."

"Actually, Nagi-koi, I was think of something more… invasive."

"Ah… requiring total immersion perhaps."

"Perhaps.  Do you mind?"

"Do I ever?"

**_~We got something to believe in _**

**_Even if we don't know where we stand _**

**_Only God would know the reasons _**

**_But I bet he must have had a plan ~_**

Omi knelt between Nagi's spread legs, moaning as the brunette spread a generous amount of lube to the blonde's aching member.  "God, Nagi-love, I could come just from that."

"I'll keep that in mind."

The blond growled, batting his hands away and pulling his legs farther apart, exposing the small pucker, already stretched and waiting.  Though he acted gruff, Omi was amazingly gentle as he slid into his lover with one smooth push.  They both sighed and paused, letting the slighter man's body adjust to the invasion.  Omi pulled out a little and then pushed back in slowly.  He repeated the movement a few times until Nagi pushed back against him asking for more.  He thrust once and then still buried deep inside, wormed his hands under the brunette's narrow back.

"Put your arms around my neck."  

Confused, Nagi did as asked and felt the blond lifting him so he too was kneeling, spread across the older teen's thighs.  Omi's shoulders and back tensed taking his slight weight.

"Will you be okay?"

"I'm strong, how does it feel."

"Deep.  It's wonderful."  Slowly Nagi started to ride him, Omi helping and guiding him with his arms.  Words were no longer necessary as soft cries and moans filled the cooler night air.  True to his word, Omi's arms didn't fail him, the upper body strength of an archer serving a vastly different purpose now.

It wasn't long till Nagi's thin body arched, every muscle taut as he tightened around Omi.  Helpless to resist the blond came at the same time, keeping his eyes open to watch his love's reaction.  Nagi was so beautiful like this.  Unrestrained, unconscious even of his lack of control, exquisite.  

**_~Cause you were born to be my baby _**

**_And baby, I was made to be your man ~_**

The brunette slumped against him, too tired to even kiss.  Omi lowered them down to the futon, carefully withdrawing and then fumbling to the side for the washcloth he brought in earlier.  He quickly removed the evidence of their lovemaking and then pulled Nagi into his arms for some heavenly post-coital cuddling.

Nagi's voice was just on the edge of sleep when he finally spoke.  "I love you."

Omi smiled and kissed the top of his head.  "I love you too.  Good night."

**_~You were born to be my baby _**

**_And baby, I was made to be your man~_**

TBC… probably… ^_~

Okay… I know this one took a while to get out.  But… I had to do a lot of research for it.  Everything about their travel from Tokyo to Singapore is as accurate as I could make it, including travel times and prices.  Also several early morning (for her evening) chats with Faith resulted in their apartment, not to mention simply the feasibility of someone being able to do what they did, moving into Singapore like that.  It was little stuff… like could Omi take his laptop into China?  When do the bullet trains run between Tokyo and Fukuoka?  Is there train service from Shanghai to Hong Kong?  I had to answer these, and many more questions before I could write this.  Not to mention real life, which sees me actually teaching, not just subbing which means I have to write my own lesson plans now…

Cameos and thanks to several people.  First of all, my adopted imouto: Yachii (the serving girl in Fukuoka), Miki (the serving girl in Shanghai who is Russian hence the 'Babushka' which means 'grandmother' if you didn't know), and Ami-chan (the helpful guide in Hong Kong and the reason they took that route since she begged for days for me to send them there so she could be 'in' the fic).  Big thanks to Faith in Singapore who without her wonderful first hand knowledge… this fic would be VERY inaccurate indeed.  Thanks guys. -Yanagi


	4. Sidestory: Three-thirty in the Morning

Three-thirty in the Morning

by Yanagi-sen

Weiss Kreuz fanfic

Usual disclaimers apply.  Yotan's not mine… neither are Omi or Nagi… even though I do let them stay in the Pocky-Proof Bomb Shelter.

Warnings: mild angst, some language

It still bothers me to think about what those bastards did to that kid.  I'd like to string them up… and hang Manx right up alongside them; she's as guilty as they are.  How could they do that to a kid?  How could they do that to anyone they claimed was a teammate?  I guess it's just another example of the difference between Schwarz and Weiss.  They beat their traitors nearly to death, we just drive them away. 

It's been six months since Omi left.  Since he broke into Kritiker and spirited away the one thing in his life more important than Weiss, Nagi.  He vanished that night.  No one's seen or heard anything of them since.  I still remember Manx's shrieks waking me up that morning.  I wandered down, to find her yelling at Omi's computer while Ran and Ken fumbled with some papers off to the side.  Ken looked up and handed an envelope to me.

Yotan,

Sorry for leaving you with this… I'm sure Manx and Kritiker are not going to be pleased.  But I can't stay here, and I can't work for people that would do this.  They hurt Nagi, Yotan.  THEY HURT HIM!!!  They gave him some experimental drugs to break through the blocks.  I can't leave him there.  So we're leaving, tonight.  By the time you get this… we'll be gone.  I'm only telling you this next part, be sure you destroy this when you are done.  I pushed a disk under your door last night… on it you will find a message. 

Omi

I waited for Manx to leave, taking Ran with her, hoping that they could find a lead somewhere.  I didn't hold out much hope of that.  Omi was the strategist… not Ran.  Ken was his usual confused and worried self… he did what he always does in that state, goes to the park to play with the kids.  I settled down to Omi's… formerly Omi's computer and popped in the disk.  Damn that kid was good.  He laid out exactly what he planned, where they were going, everything.  Even included a sweeper program that would erase everything as soon as I closed the file.  I've got to hand it to the kid… he's brilliant.  

I miss him.

Six months.  Ran refuses to even acknowledge that Omi exists.  I think it's because he got totally outsmarted, it irks him.  It took him and Manx a week to realize the boys had left Japan.  They figured the kids would head to one of the other cities where Omi would have no trouble finding a job.  It was all I could do not to laugh… the kids weren't even in the country anymore.  Ken… worries of course.  I swear he is the biggest mother hen at times.  

Course… in six months I think he could have given us… or at least ME… some indication on how they are doing.  I mean… did they get to Singapore all right?  Did they find jobs?  Did they find a place to live… that isn't infested with drug dealers and rats and cockroaches?  Are they eating okay?  Did they find a doctor for Nagi?  Did he heal up alright?

Gaaah… I sound like their parent or something.

At least on a good note, Schwarz seems to have pulled out of Japan.  Good riddance.  Now if we could only convince Manx to retire… the kids could come back home.  Bitch… I still want to slit her throat.  I made a few inquires and found out exactly what they did to that poor kid.  No wonder Omi flipped out.  I saw the security tapes of the cell.  That boy was a mess.  If Omi hadn't taken him out of there I would have.

You know… 3:30 in the morning mind ramblings really suck.  Especially when you have the early shift.  

I can't help but worry though.  Of anyone I've known in Kritiker and Weiss… I'm closest to Omi.  Not the way some might think… he did spend a night or two in my bed, but it really was platonic.  He's just… I don't know… the younger brother I never had I guess.  I'm sure he's fine… he's smart; I know he'll land on his feet.  But I still worry.  I worry about Nagi; he's like a little brother too.  I never thought I'd feel that way about a Schwarz member.  Or former Schwarz.  From reports we got… after they tossed him out… literally, they basically washed their hands of him.  It was like the kid was never there.

That just burns me up.  I'm glad they're gone… I might have had to do something about them.

And would have had my ass handed to me most likely.

Why can't I sleep?  This is driving me nuts.  Maybe I should just go see if I can find them… Oh yeah… that'll go over REAL well…

I can just see Manx's reaction.

Wait a minute… I don't care what Manx thinks anymore.

Screw the bitch.

I smile in the darkness.  Looks like I'm going on a little trip.  Maybe now I can get some sleep.


	5. I Believe

"I Believe" 

by Yanagi-sen

Weiss Kreuz songfic

Usual disclaimers apply.  The boys really aren't mine… although it seems like it at sometimes… once again the song is by Bon Jovi (you know… I really didn't intend for this series to be band specific but it just keeps turning out that way).

Warnings: implied yaoi, angst, POV switching, OOC, AU

/character thoughts/

The plane landed and the tall blond man disembarked with the other passengers… an odd combination of tourists and business professionals and even a couple Westerners.  Once in the terminal he stretched gleefully… no matter how one flew there was never enough room.  And he'd flown coach.  He picked up his bag at the carousel and dealt with the usual customs and security checks.  Walking out of the concourse into the main hall he started looking for a certain small blond.  He smiled when a familiar set of blue eyes caught him.

"Hi, Youji."

**_~All I know is what I've been sold _**

**_You can read my life like a fortune told~ _**

"Hey chibi."  He wrapped a companionable arm around the boy's shoulders, his other hand encumbered with his luggage.  "How ya doing?"  He stepped back, noting the slight lines of worry and frustration, and the hint of darkness in the boy's cerulean eyes… so out of place for the former assassin, the kid who had defined 'genki'.  

"Surviving… you?"  Omi started to lead him through the throng. 

"I'm doing.  So how do we get out of here?"

"Actually, they just put in a subway link.  It won't take us all the way to the apartment, but close enough that we can catch the right bus."

"Wow… I'm impressed.  Six months and you already know your way around like a pro."

Omi looked up with a small smile.  "Didn't really have a choice did I?  Come on the next train will be coming soon."

**_~I've seen the dream, there's no Land of Oz_**_~ _

"Unfortunately we just missed the bus we need… the next won't be along for a while."  Omi looked apologetic.

"That's okay.  What do you say we get some coffee or something?… I could really stand some caffeine about now."

The smaller man nodded and started down the sidewalk.  "There's a place right around the corner.  Just remember not to toss your cigarette butts on the ground here."

"No problem… I gave it up."

Omi stopped, shocked.  "You're kidding?"

"Nope.  After you left I realized that if I wanted any type of life after Weiss… I better be alive to live it.  So I just quit buying them."  He followed the oddly subdued young man into a small café.  

"You quit… just like that?"

"Hell no, not 'just like that'!  I was miserable to be around for about 2 weeks.  I think if they hadn't wanted me to quit as much as I did, either Ran or Ken would have killed me.  Then again… they're so wrapped up in each other they probably just tuned me out."  He sat across from Omi in the small corner booth.  He noticed the blond let him have his back to the wall, that meant either he was trusting Youji to warn him if something should happen… or he normally put himself between the room and his usual partner.

"Ran… and Ken?!  They're like… together?!!!"

"Hai!  I know… shocked the Hell out of me too.  I mean… we've always known about Ken.  After that whole Kase thing it was fairly obvious.  But Ran?  That surprised me."  He leaned forward, his glasses sliding down on his nose and fixed Omi with his emerald gaze.  "But how about you?"

**_~But I got my brain and I got heart_**

**_And courage built I won't let go~ _**

The boy… no man, sitting across from him sighed and looked out the window.  Classic Omi avoidance behavior.  "I'm doing alright I guess."

"And Nagi?"  Their drinks arrived just then and Omi busied himself with the cream and sugar.  Frankly, Youji was surprised he had ordered the coffee.  The smaller blond had refused to even touch the stuff before.  He took a sip of his own lightly doctored brew and watched his companion with growing concern.  "Omiitchi?"

The blue-eyed man looked up and smiled slightly at the endearment.  "You know… you and Nagi are the only ones that ever call me that."

"How is Nagi?  I'm guessing there is a problem.  Did he leave you or something?"

"NO… no… I don't think he could even if he wanted to."  He idly stirred the contents of his cup.  "Nagi… isn't well…"

**_~What we need right now is... soul~ _**

"Shit kid."  Youji sat back… trying to take in everything Omi had just told him.  How he'd found Nagi in the Kritiker holding cell, their frantic flight from Tokyo, how they were trying to find some type of life here in Singapore, their fears that one or both of their former teams would come hunting them, Nagi's continuing mental problems.  It was a lot to take in.  It was a lot for the pair of them to take.  Now Youji could see the reasons behind the appearance of stress and fatigue.  He hadn't missed the thinness of the shoulders either, or the fact that despite his age, Omi hadn't filled out any.

He let Omi stare out into the street again, sitting in silence.  What a burden to lie on such young shoulders… both of them.  He had been impressed with Nagi that one night, when the kid had shown up half dead on their doorstep.  Not a word of complaint, even when Youji bound his ribs and wiped stinging disinfectant across his slashed back.  Then to go with Manx… trusting Omi's judgment.  Of course… unfortunately Manx betrayed that trust.  He still hadn't forgiven the bitch for that.  Neither had Ran or Ken to tell the truth.  They might not have been as accepting of Nagi as he was, but they had been very angry that the woman had driven their Omi away.

He was impressed.  Not only had Omi gotten himself and Nagi out of Kritiker's clutches, and obviously well enough that they hadn't been found, but he'd managed to get some type of life started here.  Now it was up to the older blond to try to help these two… if they would let him.

"Ne, Youji… the bus will be here soon."

**_~I can't do this, you can't do that _**

**_They feed us lines but I won't act~ _**

He told me.  He told me about Nagi.  About the kid's problems, how he was basically a hermit.  He told me about the good days, when Nagi cooked and cleaned and did web design for a little extra income.  He told me about the bad times… when the former Schwarz member just sat looking listlessly out the window, not interacting, not eating, not sleeping, but not really awake either.  I thought I understood.  But now… standing here in the doorway to their bedroom…  

Omi knew as soon as he'd opened the door.  He called out a cheery 'tadaima'… that was met with silence.  And he sighed.  It was such a soft, sad sound, like he was carrying the world on his shoulders… without complaint.  He waved me in and shut the door taking my coat.  Kicking off his shoes I could tell he was looking around the kitchen and living area… hoping that maybe Nagi just hadn't heard him.  Then he made a beeline for the bedroom.

I didn't think anything would affect me as much as losing Asuka.  But watching Omi pick a weeping Nagi up from the floor and just sit there rocking him, whispering quietly… I can't watch.  I pretend that I'm giving them their privacy.  But in reality… I don't want Omi to see me cry.  And I get the feeling that Nagi would be terribly embarrassed to know I had seen him like this.

**_~And all good things will come to pass _**

**_But the truth is all you have to have~_**

-Omi POV-

I knew as soon as I opened the door and called out, 'tadaima' and there was no answer.  He had seemed quiet when I left a few hours ago.  But at least at that point he'd been there.  He was looking forward to seeing Youji again.  I think he wants to apologize for taking me away.  Silly, Nagi; it's not his fault.  He was fine when I left.  But now, I know what I'll see when I get to the bedroom.  He never has his… 'episodes' out here.  Never out here.  Only in the bedroom.  In our sanctuary.  Where he feels the safest.  Though he never feels safe.  If he did… he wouldn't get like this.

Youji's looking at me with this funny expression on his face.  I just close the door and take his coat to hang it up.  I kick off my shoes… the same old habit and head for the bedroom.  

There he is.  Huddled on the floor like a broken child.  He is one, in many ways.  A scared, scarred child… broken by the world.  And I'm trying so hard to put the pieces back together again.  I kneel beside him, trying to gage just HOW bad it is.  Laying a hand on his shoulder I can feel the tension singing through his small frame.  He's holding himself so tight… I swear at times I can hear his bones creak.  

I pull him into my lap… and finally he releases all the tears he's been holding in.  He's been waiting for me… waiting for the security he can only seem to find in my arms.  The tears start to flow, but silently.  I curse Schwarz and Esset again.  I don't know everything they did to him… but I know enough.  Enough that if I ever saw any of them again, I'd shoot first and ask questions later.  That's the reason I've learned how to use a gun, and use it well.  I told Nagi it was for our protection.  And that's partially true, but I also got it just in case I can get one clean shot.

I hold his shaking body in my lap and hear a soft sound at the door.  Youji.  I had forgotten.  I don't look up and after a moment, he leaves.  Thank you… I don't think I can explain at this point… right now, Nagi needs me.

**_~And would you lie for it?~ _**

-Youji POV-

I hadn't liked lying to Ran and Ken about where I was going… and why.  I told them it was a 'fact-finding' mission for Manx.  They wouldn't question it.  I did a lot of that type of thing lately.  And they won't talk to the bitch anymore beyond 'yes we'll accept the mission'.  I'm not really sure why I didn't tell them.  Maybe because I wanted to believe the kids were doing all right.  And if they were I was just going to visit and then leave them in peace.  Gods know they deserve it.  But now… I almost wish I'd brought the rest of Weiss with me.  Maybe if they could see this… they would agree with what I think we have to do.   

I use the bathroom and then just putter around the apartment.  There isn't much here.  A few cushions around a low table in the 'living' room, a small cd player in the corner with a couple disks, and what looks like a new futon folded up in the corner, they must have gotten it for me.  In the kitchen there is only a small stovetop, a toaster oven, and a microwave next to one of those half-size apartment refrigerator.  Being the nosy person I am, I poke through the cabinets… it's worse than at home.  There is very little in the way of supplies here.  Oh they're not starving… but all they have are the basic necessities.  Not even a box of Pocky stashed away.

Standing in that pathetic excuse for a kitchen, I can't help but think of the apartment over the Koneko.  Always before it had seemed so… cramped, inadequate, ridiculous for four men… now… compared to this tiny collection of rooms, it seems palatial.  The place is clean, almost painfully so, but I can't ignore the almost impoverished look around me.  THIS is the home of one of Kritiker's best and brightest?  I bow my head in shame.  Persia must be disgusted with us.  He trusted us to take care of his nephew… somehow; I think we've failed.

**_~(Do you) cry for it?~_**

-Omi POV-

"I… I'm so sorry…"

How like him… to be sorry for something he can't control.  "For what, love?"  I kiss the top of his head, not ceasing the gentle strokes of my hand down his back.  The tears have lessened and I use my other hand to carefully wipe them from his pale cheeks.

"I know you were looking forward to Youji's visit… and I've ruined it."

"No you haven't.  He's just out in the other room."

"Oh Kami-sama, he must think I'm such a pathetic…"

"Nagi!… stop.  He doesn't think any such thing, I'm sure."

"But… I'm crying like a little kid… I'm so worthless…"

"Love… you can't help it.  And you need to cry… just let it out and you'll feel better, ne?"

"Hai."

"Okay… relax, koi.  Youji'll be fine, you'll be fine, and in a little while I'll start dinner."

"You don't mind?  I wanted to cook a really nice meal for you two… but I don't think I'm up to it tonight."

"It's alright.  And I never mind taking care of you."

**_~(Would you) die for it? _**

**_Would you~ _**

-Youji POV-

I had peeked in to check on them when I heard Omi's statement.  It's endearing and heartbreaking at the same time.  They really do love each other.  Would give their lives for each other… in effect they are.  I can see Nagi is trying, as hard as he can.  But I don't think his determination is enough.  Omi is doing the best he can for both of them.  But again… it's not enough.  They are dying slowly by inches here, in this strange city, far away from anything that resembles home.  They would die for each other… but can they live?

**_~I believe, I believe _**

**_With every breath that I breathe~ _**

Damn, these are times when I wish I still smoked.  I didn't tell Omi the whole truth of course.  That it was our doctor at Kritiker that told me if I didn't quit I was destined for an early grave.  It scared me.  For the first time, the thought of dying scared me.  It never had before.  I always figured after Asuka, I had nothing to live for.  I had never planned on surviving my tenure in Weiss.  But after Omi fled… I realized that maybe I didn't want to go out in a 'blaze of glory'.  That maybe… just maybe, I could have a life after all.

It took a pair of kids hardly old enough to be considered adults to teach me that.

When ultimately faced with the possibility of my own mortality… I clutched life with all I had.  I threw out my cigarettes that day.  Ran and Ken were no less shocked than Omi had been.  But they were supportive.  I think we've all realized that Kritiker isn't the same without Persia.  It's not just Manx.  It's not the missions.  It isn't even the lack of Schwarz.  We're tired of it.  It isn't the same without Omi.  He's truly one of the best.  He's the one who put the 'spirit' into Weiss.  Without that… we're just another vigilante group. 

I've seen some of the other units Kritiker has on the payroll.  They're good… efficient… excellent at what they do.  But they are TEAMS.  Somehow, Weiss became a family.  And I think that's all due to the small blond in the other room.  I believe that with all my heart.

**_~You and me can turn a whisper to a scream _**

**_I believe, I believe~ _**

-Omi POV-

The tears are gone, finally; and now he's exhausted.  That always happens.  Somehow that release of emotion drains him more thoroughly than anything else.  I wipe the few remaining traces of his tears from his cheeks.  I don't know how he manages it… but he's beautiful even after he cries.  Me… I look like a mess.  But not Nagi.  His eyes are a little red, a little puffy, but he doesn't get that blotchy, weepy look that I do.  He's so beautiful and I can't resist.  I lean in and give him a soft kiss.

He's surprised for a moment, and then melts.  When I pull back his eyes are sleepy.  I feel a smile tugging at my mouth.  Shifting, I lift him up and set him on the bed.  His midnight eyes are puzzled and I can see what he's thinking… we have a guest.  I pull up the blanket and settle it around his too-thin shoulders.

"Rest for a bit.  When you feel like it, come out.  I'll chat with Youji.  Daijoubu?"

I rise and head for the door when his voice calls me back.  "I love you, Omi."  He has no idea how much hearing him say that warms my heart.

"I love you too, Nagi-koi."

**_~You know what you came here for~ _**

"How is he?"  Youji's standing by the window when I come out.  His eyes are concerned and I'm somewhat relieved to see that.  I was half afraid he would just take off after seeing Nagi.

"He'll be okay.  He's going to rest for a while."

"Aa."

We seem stuck here.  I don't know what to say, and obviously neither does he.  Finally he looks back out the window.  "What's out here?"

I'm glad for the distraction as I walk over and tell him about the city I've come to know so well in the past half year.

**_~You'll pay the cost, _**

**_like it's your cross to bear~_**

-Youji POV-

It's odd to watch Omi in the kitchen again.  He was the only one of us who could ever make anything remotely edible.  Ran just didn't care as long as it was nutritious… it didn't have to taste good.  Ken's attempts were best limited to cereal and popcorn.  And myself… instant ramen is probably my best dish.  Omi on the other hand, can actually cook.  I wonder who taught him?  Manx?  Birman?  Someone in the Kritiker cafeteria?  It shames me to admit… I don't know most of the support staff.  Omi knew them all.  Their names, their families, their lives.  It was like all of Kritiker was his extended family.  Then Persia died.  And for some reason… Omi took all the guilt.

He tends to do that.  Takes responsibility for things that are well beyond his control.  Look at that time when he finally found out about Reiji.  Like he CHOSE his parents?!  I though Ran blew that way out of proportion.  And then Ouka… man, I'm surprised the kid isn't more screwed up than he is.  But then again, right now he's focused on Nagi.  Another cross for him to bear.   I know he blames himself for what happened at Kritiker that day.  He should really focus his blame in the proper direction… a certain redheaded bitch of our sorry acquaintance.  

The kid just keeps paying and paying… and I think his emotional bank account was overdrawn a long time ago.  I don't know how he keeps going.  I don't think I could.

**_~Are we the ones that put it there~ _**

Isn't there anything we could have done?  I know he was Weiss before we were… but couldn't we have done something to help the kid out?  He had his whole life ahead of him… mine was fucked long before I met any of them.  I can't help but wonder what Omi would have been like if Weiss and Kritiker hadn't existed.  If he'd been raised by a loving family.  For that matter, what would Nagi's life have been like?  I just can't reconcile the 'Prodigy' we fought against with the skinny, scared kid in the other room.  

Who's really to blame for these two lives… possibly damaged beyond repair?  The 'families' that abused and abandoned them?  Or those of us who took this pair of broken kids and used them for their abilities and skills till they just fell apart?

I suddenly feel very guilty for not helping them sooner.

**_~Would you scheme for it _**

**_scream for it, bleed for it _**

**_Would you_** ~

-Omi POV-

I hope Youji is happy with dinner.  There really isn't a lot I can work with here.  I wish we could go out… but with Nagi like this…  And I don't want to leave him behind, even though he says he's okay.  That wouldn't be very nice.  Then again, remembering what Youji usually considers 'cooking', this is probably gourmet fare.  He keeps up a stream of light conversation.  Nothing big, nothing earth shattering, just two friends catching up on stuff.  I'd forgotten what a gossip Yotan is.  That's half the reason the girls come in… Youji's the best source of info in the neighborhood.

But I can't help but wonder… why is he really here?  Do they want me back in Weiss?  I know he's not here for Kritiker, he's indicated as much.  But Youji NEVER does anything without a reason.  That reason maybe beyond anyone else's comprehension… but he always has a reason.  Kinda cute actually.

I don't want to go back.  Not if it means being Weiss again.  I can't do that anymore.  Having finally tasted a life outside of that… I can't return.  Especially if that means hurting Nagi.  

I'm not sure if Youji really understands how far I'm willing to go to protect my lover.  I didn't spend a small fortune, financially and emotionally, to spirit us out of Tokyo and into Singapore to end up back in Kritiker's clutches again.  I can't work for that mess anymore.  It should have been allowed to die with Persia.  He WAS Kritiker.  No one else can take his place.  Certainly not Manx, especially not the way she is now.  And I didn't scheme and weep and bleed for a woman who tortures those dearest to me.  I did it for Persia; even without knowing he was my uncle.  I did it for him… I won't do it for anyone else.

**_~I believe, I believe _**

**_Believe we're still worth_**

**_The fight you'll see~ _**

"Was it worth it, Youji?"

The kid… no man, I have to keep reminding myself… is just standing there, staring at the pot bubbling gently on the stove.  "Was what worth it, Omiitchi?"

He smiles at the nickname, score one for Youji!  "Everything… Weiss… Kritiker… the killing…"

"Only you can answer that one.  The answer is different for everyone.  If your asking if it is worth it for me?  Some days.  Other days I wonder what the Hell I'm doing.  And then on the really bad days… I wonder why I'm even alive."

He frowns, his gaze distant.  "That's how I feel too.  Sometimes… I wonder why I even bother to keep fighting."

"Maybe what you did before seems meaningless at times.  Especially when you look around and it seems like there is always another drug dealer, another molester, another corrupt official waiting to take the target's place.  But think about what you're fighting for now."

"Nani?"

I look meaningfully over to the bedroom door…  "Him.  You're fighting for him now.  And that's a fight that's worth it.  Love is always worth it."

**_~There's no hope for this world tonight _**

**_I believe, I believe~ _**

We sat down to the simple meal and for several minutes the only sound was the soft clink of chopsticks against the plates and the ice in the glasses.  Now… now was the time to make my move.  "The fight's worth it, Omi.  But not here."  His eyes flash, great I'm getting him angry… good, maybe what he needs is to be shaken up a little.  "You need help kid.  Both of you do.  You're doing your best, I know.  But it's not enough, is it?"  His eyes drop, and his whole posture seems defeated.

"… no…"

I could barely hear it… but I know what he said.  "Omi… I'm not saying this to belittle what you've done.  Damn… you've done a lot better than any other kid your age could have.  But be reasonable… do you honestly think this is what's best for Nagi?"

It hurts me to do this to him.  But after seeing them here… I can't leave them.  They're faltering… and they can't keep going on like this indefinitely.  They need to be with others… they need to be with us.  There is too much stress here for them to have a fair chance.  Not on their own… they won't make it.

**_~Don't look up on your movie screens _**

**_In record stores or magazines~ _**

"Omiitchi… I know you wanted to be able to do this on your own.  And if Nagi wasn't having problems… you probably could have made it.  But you need help.  This isn't a movie and it isn't a fairytale.  This is real life and you need to admit that you two need the help."

"I… I know we do."  He looks up; all the anger is gone, replaced with the bone-deep weariness that I sensed earlier.  "But… what if… what if Schwarz or Kritiker…"

"Schwarz is gone."

"WHAT?!"

"They're gone… they left Japan.  We haven't heard anything from them in months."

He staggers, collapsing against the table in relief, burying his face into his arms.  I guess I never thought about how much they feared Nagi's former teammates.  

"Omi?  If that's why you've avoided coming back… Nagi's free."

"But Kritiker…"  His voice is muffled in his arms.

I snort… the boy's always been good at borrowing trouble.  "Let us handle Kritiker.  Come home Omi… you and Nagi.  Come back with me."

**_~Close your eyes and you will see _**

**_That you are all you really need~ _**

His face is still hidden, but the slight shaking of his shoulders betrays him.  "Omi?"  When he lifts his face… his cerulean eyes are filling with tears.

"I… I didn't really think you guys would want me back.  After I left like that… I…"

I hold my arms open in invitation and my lap suddenly contains a shaking bundle of weeping teenager.  It's hard to remember sometimes that he's only nineteen.  I can think of so many other times when we've sat just like this.  Ran was unapproachable… Ken was good for fun… but Omi always came to me for comfort.  I think the most memorable was just after Hirofumi beat the shit out of him.  The poor kid was jumpy for days, shying away from any touch.  But then in the middle of the night he came stumbling into my room and just collapsed crying.  Just like now.

He's totally strung-out.  All I can do is rub his back and let him cry.  I don't think he's been able to let it out for the entire time he's been away… at least not enough for it to do any good.  Tears muffled in the bathroom don't go far towards releasing stress.

"Of course we want you.  You're a member of the family.  As for Nagi… well, Ken-ken and the Icecube will just have to accept him too.  You're both tough kids… you know that?  But everyone needs help… let us help you.  So you can help yourself."

**_~I believe, I believe _**

**_With every breath that I breathe~_**

"Okay…"

One word… that's all I wanted.  My mind starts planning everything that will have to be done… even as Omi falls into an exhausted sleep.  Poor kid.  I try to stand with him in my arms without waking him.  He's either really tired… or because it's me he doesn't wake.  I can't believe how light he still is.  And unless I miss my guess, Nagi would be even lighter.  I need to get these kids home where Ken can fuss over them.

I walk into the bedroom and even with my burden; I have to pause in the door.  Nagi is curled up in the center of the futon… looking like a kitten in the midst of a nap.  I kneel beside the futon and set Omi in my lap, using my free hand to pull down the blanket.

Nagi is a pair of pajamas; I can see his clothes neatly folded at the end.  I wrestle the shirt and pants off Omi but he's going to have to survive sleeping in his boxers… there ARE limits to how far I will go.  I settle him in beside his smaller lover and sit back on my heels to watch.

**_~You and me can turn a _**

**_whisper to a scream~ _**

Sure enough… Nagi snuggles closer to the nearby heat source and Omi wraps himself protectively around the younger boy.

Kawaii.

I can see the glimpses of what is obviously a very passionate relationship.  It has to be passionate… to survive what it has… what it continues to survive.  They love each other more deeply than anyone else I've ever known.

I wonder if Asuka and I could have loved that deeply given the chance.

I doubt it.

But these two…

**_~I believe, I believe~_**

TBC…

Yes, yes… I KNOW who Persia really was to Omi… but they don't know!!!  Hence the 'uncle' thing.  Anyways… hope you enjoyed… boy did Youji go on a guilt trip… didn't intend to do that… just sort of happened… my fics seem to be doing a lot of that lately.  Just wandering off on their own with no consideration to what I have planned… oh well.  As long as it all works out in the end…  -Yan

Oh... and special thanks to Faith-chan for her first-hand knowledge of Singapore... I'd be clueless without her help!


	6. Lonely Children

_Lonely Children_

By Yanagi-sen

Weiss Kreuz songfic

Usual disclaimers apply.  We all know the drill, not mine… no profit… etc.  And the song is by Foreigner this time.  (See… I can use stuff other than Bon Jovi!)

Warnings: angst (I refer to this series as the Omi/Nagi angstfest… there better be angst!) but not a lot this time, Ran being a little bit of a prick… what else is new… not much else, POV jumps around… and even though I think it disturbs the flow I'll label the changes for those who get easily confused…

~You go where the wind blows, leading the life you chose…~ 

-Ken-

"When do you think he'll be getting back?"  Ran just shrugs and continues eating.  I'm not put off by his attitude… that's just the way my lover is.  "I mean, it's almost time for finals so the shop isn't busy…"

"He left a message saying he'd be back tonight."

"Really?  Must have called while I was out.  What did he say?"

"Just that he would be back."

"Well… are we supposed to pick him up at the airport or…"

The sound of the backdoor opening answered my questions.  We can hear footsteps on the stairs… more than just one person.  Ran looked up at me at the same time.  I can see the same question in his eyes.  Who has Youji brought home?  

"Where did he go again?"

"Singapore."

"Do you think…"  I let my voice trail off as the approaching footsteps stop outside the apartment door.  I stand and head for the door, unlocking it and flinging it open.  "Okaeri, Yotan…"  

"Ken?"  Ran walked up behind me and I knew he was staring over my shoulder as well.

Beside a smiling Youji, were a nervous Omi… and that boy from Schwarz.

~Your destination remains unknown…~ 

"Tadaima, Ken-ken, Ran… look who followed me home."

"What is HE doing here?"  

I watched as Omi paled a bit and pulled the other boy a little closer to him.  I hadn't noticed before then, but my young friend had his arm around the boy's waist.  The Schwarz kid… what WAS his name again, didn't even raise his eyes.  He could have been a statue for all I could tell.

Youji cleared his throat.  His eyes were snapping, even a bit angry.  I jumped out of the way, realizing that I was blocking the door.  Ran didn't move.  Youji just walked in anyways, forcing my lover to step back or be touched.  Omi slipped in to the side, the other boy like a shadow.  I closed and locked the door and left the other two to their ongoing alpha male confrontation.  In the kitchen, Omi was coaxing his… friend… partner… I don't know what to call him, to sit down.

"Okaeri, Omi."

He turned and smiled but I could still see the bone deep weariness in his face.  What happened to my friend?  "Konban wa, Ken-kun.  It's good to be back."

"Are you hungry?  I think I can find enough for you and your… friend."

Omi nodded and sat down looking at the small young man beside him.  "Nagi-kins… are you hungry?"

Nagi.  That's right.  Naoe Nagi.  The boy finally looked up.  If I thought Omi looked tired… this boy looks ill.  His face is far too pale, and thin.  His eyes seem barely able to remain open.  He catches me looking at him and his head falls again.  

Omi is biting his lip; I can tell he is very worried.  I started to rummage in the cabinets… I'm sure there is something they can eat.  "Nagi-chan… please, you've barely eaten all day.  Try to eat something."  I could barely hear the younger boy's response, but I took it for assent.  Let's see… water for tea, little more for soba… it's quick and nutritious, they look like they need that… there's enough fish left from what I cooked for Ran and myself that they can have some of that…

I set the food in front of them as quickly as I can heat it up.  Omi smiles gratefully.  "Itadakimasu."  He picks up the chopsticks and digs in as if he hasn't had food for weeks.  I wonder just how much they HAVE been eating.

Nagi sits for a moment.  "Itadakimasu."  His voice is so quiet I can barely hear it… and I'm sitting right across from him.  He sips and the tea and picks at the noodles.

Where have they been?  And what's happened to them?

~No one to help you, nobody cares about you…~ 

I look up as Ran and Youji enter.  Ran doesn't sit back down… he takes his plate over to the counter and finishes it there.  Youji sits in the last chair.  I'm not sure who has won this most recent round.  I'm not sure I want to know.  I push tea, noodles and fish toward Youji.  He grins his thanks and eats as well.  

Ran's eyes are glued on the back of the Schwarz boy's… Nagi's head.  I'm not sure if the kid is aware of it… but Omi definitely is, and I don't think he's happy.  

I feel sorry for these kids.  I don't know what's happened in the half year since they ran away in the dead of the night… but whatever it is hasn't been good.  They both look exhausted, strung out, stressed out, and about to drop.  I hope Youji knows what's going on, cause neither of them is going to be in any shape to tell us tonight.  I can see why he brought them here though… they obviously need help.  Who else is going to give them a hand?

~You're looking for someplace you can call home…~ 

Omi finished what I gave him… and then when it was obvious Nagi wasn't going to eat anymore, he ate the rest of his too.  The whole time the smaller boy just sat there, staring down into his tea, his small hands wrapped around the cup.  I'd like to see these two safely tucked into a bed before the fireworks really get going.  Seeing that Ran and Youji are trying to stare each other down again… I stand and signal Omi to follow me.  

I pick up their bags in the hall, ignoring my younger friend's protest that they can manage them.  Yeah right… he's got enough to handle with Nagi… I swear that kid is practically asleep on his feet.  I'm not sure whether it was stubbornness or hopefulness… but we've kept Omi's room clean and dust free.  All they need are clean sheets on the bed.  I pull some from the linen closet and start to put them on.  It'll be tight with the two of them… but I think they can manage.  I can hear them in the bathroom.

I guess… I guess we were wrong about Nagi.

I'm really happy Omi is home.

~Lonely children on the run 

**_Lonely children need someone…~_**

In the time it takes me to get an extra pillow… the two of them are already in bed.  Nagi is asleep; at least it looks that way.  Omi doesn't speak, just smiles his thanks as I set the extra pillow beside the first.  He's spooned up against his… lover I guess, turned towards the wall.  He has his arms wrapped around the smaller boy and Nagi in turn appears to almost be clutching him.  I ruffle Omi's hair and he scowls.  I would laugh… but that might wake the other kid.

At the door, I look back once.  They're children, really.  Amazing to think… they're still children.

~Too many questions, you need to answer to them…~ 

-Ran-

Ken gets up and Omi follows, taking that Schwarz kid with them.  Youji is still glaring at me.  I thought **I** was the one with the patent on that.  I can see the coffee pot is full, Ken must have started it.  I pour two cups and take them to the table, sliding one across the wood to the blond.  He accepts it… maybe he realizes it's meant to be a peace offering.  I'm really NOT mad at him.  I'm not.  I'm a bit pissed at myself for my reaction, but that's it.  I shouldn't have let the Schwarz boy rattle me that much.  But I don't take shocks well.  He knows that.  So why?

"Doushite?"

He's stirring his coffee now, adding sweetening to his taste.  Me?  Black… always.  "Nani?"

"Doushite?"  What's he mean 'what'?  He knows 'what'.  He's just being annoying.

"Aa."  He takes a sip.  "Don't you want to wait for Ken-ken?"

"We'll fill him in."

He sighs… takes another sip and sets his cup down.  "There's a lot of story here… maybe if you had some specific questions it will go faster."

Fair enough I guess.  I really don't want to spend all night on this.  "Why did you bring him here?"

"Cause HE, and his name is Nagi by the way, is with Omi.  Our little lost kitten wasn't going to come back without him."

"Where was Omi?"

"Singapore… obviously.  Working his ass off to try to keep them fed.  Next question."

"Did you know where they were?"

He snorted.  "Of course I did.  You didn't really think Omi would run off and NOT leave us a way to get in touch with him?  He's too considerate for that.  But I left them alone, cause I knew the bitch would be watching us for a while."

"Did you go intending to get them?"

"No.  Did you LOOK at them, Ran?  There is something seriously wrong with Nagi.  Omi's at his last rope trying to hold everything together."  His momentary ire drained from him and Youji just sat there.  He looked very tired.  "They needed help, Ran.  It's like what I told Omi.  If they were doing okay I'd have left them in peace.  But they're not.  And I couldn't leave them like that.  I just couldn't."

I sit back as he finishes his coffee.  I need to think… I can't do that here.  "Tell Ken I took a walk."

"Ran…"

"I just need some space… I'll be back."  I grab my coat… and leave.

~Your information is so incomplete…~ 

I do my best thinking when I'm by myself.  Preferably at night… when there are fewer distractions.  So I just wander.  For once, I'm not walking in the rain.  It always seems to rain at times like these… I must be cursed.  

I have to admit… they didn't look well.  I was just so surprised… to see Omi.  I really thought we would never see him again.  Either he would totally disappear… or one of Kritiker's clean-up squads would make SURE he did.  Then to see HIM next to Omi.  The Schwarz boy… Nagi, the reason Omi left in the first place.  Yes I was angry.  Omi had become less of a teammate and more of a younger brother over time.  I was angry with Nagi for taking him away from us.  And I was probably a little jealous that Omi seemed to love that boy more than us… his family.

So when they showed up I was prepared to hate that boy.  That too-thin, pale wisp of a boy who looks like he could be blown away in a stiff breeze.  Youji is right, there is something seriously wrong with him.  I have to admit… I don't think I could have left them looking like that either.

I realize… when the boy showed up on our doorstep that night.  I never really got the full story.  All I saw was Schwarz… even though he was ex-Schwarz at that.  It didn't matter.  Here was a representative of those people who murdered my parents… that hurt Aya-chan… that tried to kill me and my surrogate family again and again.  I didn't see a hurting child.  I saw an enemy at his weakest… an enemy who wouldn't be able to fight back.  I came seriously close to killing him that night.  But I thought that perhaps he could be used.

~You seek directions, you would be lost without them…~ 

Then Omi disappeared with him, after breaking into Kritiker's central headquarters.  I wasn't as surprised as most of Kritiker when he got away with it… Omi wasn't the first member of Weiss for nothing.  But I was surprised at why.  For an enemy.  I should have realized he wouldn't have done something so dangerous without a damn good reason.

But I never asked.

I never asked when Nagi showed up on our doorstep.  I never asked when they ran away.  But I can ask now.  Youji's no fool… neither is Omi.  And I don't think anyone can act THAT well.  

I guess it would be a good idea to ask.

~Don't let them find you lying in the street…~ 

I'm hoping Youji will still be up by the time I get back.  I don't know though… he looked pretty tired.  If he is asleep I will just have to be patient.

I have to focus on the good parts of this situation we've found ourselves in.  Omi is home.  He's okay.  

Unfortunately… it's the bad things that keep going through my head.  What to do about the Schwarz boy?  What is wrong with him?  When will Manx find out, cause she will?  What will she and/or Kritiker do?

But at least my worst nightmare didn't come true.  WE didn't find Omi lying dead in the street.

~Lonely children on the run 

**_Lonely children, lonely, need someone…~_**

Youji IS still up when I get back.  He's still sitting at the table, Ken's looking through a soccer magazine across from him.  The blond is nursing ANOTHER cup of coffee… his newest addiction since he stopped smoking.  He nods as I come in.  Ken looks up and smiles.

"Go look at them first… then we can talk."

Not much I can say to that.  I'm very glad Ken insisted on keeping Omi's room ready for him.  Till he came back or we know for sure, he said.  The light from the hall spills over the occupants of the bed.  I'm a little surprised to see them lying together… although really, what did I expect?

They are cute… even I can see that.  Must be what Ken wanted me to see.  Them together, completely relaxed.  Even asleep Omi doesn't let go… though I don't think Nagi would let him.  I haven't missed the fact that Omi put himself between the other boy and the door, with his back to it no less.  Asleep and he's still hovering.  I saw how my blond friend made sure he was always between Nagi and me.  And he was watching me over his shoulder as we ate.  I tug the blanket up a bit more to cover Omi's shoulders… and then leave them in peace.

**_~Someone to talk to_**

**_Someone who cares…~_**

-Youji-

I really wasn't sure WHAT would happen once we arrived.  To be honest… I hadn't thought much about it.  I was so focused on getting the two of them back home… where there were people who could help them, I didn't think to let Ran and Ken know ahead of time.

Ken was surprised, of course.  But one look at the boys and his natural mother-hen instinct took over.  He headed off to the kitchen with them, and I knew that for now they would be fine.  He would make sure they got fed and cared for.  Ran was my job.  He didn't back up any farther than necessary, and I wasn't willing to push the issue right this moment.  He doesn't deal well with change… I should have remembered.  But I was just so happy Omi was coming home, I hadn't thought about Nagi.  To me, the kid ceased to be Schwarz that night he was dumped off at our door.  Poor kid.  He was just Nagi… Omi's boyfriend… I didn't care who or what he had been or done before.

I can hear Ken in the kitchen.  Dammit Ran, give a little, I'm hungry already.  He's not in the mood to be conciliatory.  Fine.  I'll give this round to him.  I turn and head into the kitchen.  

The kids are already eating.  Well Omi's eating and Nagi's just picking.  I think it's just cause he's so tired.  I hope.  We need to get that kid to a doctor and find out what's going on.  Ken… bless the man, has enough for me too.  Geesh Ran… if you stare any harder you're going to bore holes in his head.

~Someone who listens 

**_Is anyone there?…~_**

I hope that was enough.  Ran said he had to think.  Well, at least he isn't just tossing them out on principle.  I was little afraid of that.  That Ran would still be angry enough at Nagi for just being Schwarz, never mind the fact the kid never had a choice, that he would just throw them back out.  I wonder if he realized that would have been the end of Weiss.  I would have left with them, and I don't think Ken would have been too happy, even though he would have stayed.  I hope it will be enough.

I hope what I said got through to him.  Ken won't be nearly as much trouble.  He'll accept Nagi for who he is NOW… not what he was before.  I also hope we are in time.

Damn Manx and her interfering.  Maybe with time we could have gotten past the manipulations imposed on Nagi.  Maybe with trust we could have gotten him to help us.  But she had to blow it.  Bitch.  I don't know why I ever flirted with her.  How could she have hurt him like that?  How could she have looked at those dark blue eyes and done something so monumentally stupid?   Even worse… seeing how important he was to Omi… how could she hurt HIM?  She practically RAISED Omi.

~They may detest you, someday they may arrest you…~ 

And now that they're back… what will her reaction be.  She's been very careful since then… she doesn't want to antagonize us farther.  She was real close to losing the rest of us, and she knows it.

Nagi's problems aside, what kind of future do they have?  We can hide them for now… but sooner or later… it's gonna get out.  No getting around that.  So what then?

I'm not letting her get near them, that's for sure.  Not only to protect Nagi… but if Omi sees her in the mood he's in right now… Kritiker might be looking for another agent.  Ah Hell… out of the frying pan and into the fire.  No wonder they were so reluctant to return.  You'd have thought I was dragging them off to the executioner when we got to the Singapore airport.  I hadn't even considered that Kritiker might have been waiting for us in Tokyo.  They weren't, but they might have been.  Shows how much Omi trusts me… and Nagi trusts Omi to trust me… that they even agreed to come.

~They stop at nothing to hold you down…~ 

Somehow they keep bouncing back… every time.  It's amazing.  I don't know how they do it.  I'm not stupid enough to miss the fact that Omi's genki attitude is faked half the time.  But at least he tries.  And his concern for others.  I have to be honest that when I first met him I couldn't understand how this 'kid' could be an assassin.  Then I met Bombay for the first time.  That is one person you do NOT want to get on the bad side of.  Omi will do very little to protect himself at times.  But threaten a friend or loved one… 

Whenever something happened to him… he would get knocked back down again and again… give him a little time and he'd regroup and come back stronger.  I don't know that I have that kind of strength.

And Nagi… man.  Once you get to know a little about him you can't help but feel sorry for him.  I've seen my fair share of street rats in my day… I know what their life is like, the daily hell of survival.  Then to get picked up by Schwarz.  It's a wonder the kid's alive at all.  Especially after what they did to him.  Still makes me want to cry… seeing him in Omi's arms.   Torn and bleeding.  I swear his clothes were either ripped or bloodstained… there was barely any clean fabric left.  Or flesh that wasn't just as torn or bruised.  That someone could do that to a kid let alone a teammate.  I wish we could have gotten those bastards before they left.

But he lived.  And he lived through Manx's mistreatment.  He's survived the last six months.  I hope he'll be alright now.  Both of them deserved a long life together, they've certainly earned it.  They paid for it in their own blood.

~You need to be free, but will they ever let you?…~ 

I get yet another cup of coffee.  Bless Ken again… he's so happy I've quit smoking he'll put up with my coffee addiction… for now.  I know he's just biding his time till he can work on that one.  He probably made decaf anyways; he usually does after 8 pm.  He's coming back, must have the boys tucked in.  

I can't help it… I have to go check.  

They are just so damn cute.  Somehow I can't see Ran and Ken being this cutesy together.  Then again, I don't think either of them is really the snuggly type.  But Omi and Nagi… kawaii.

~They won't be happy till you leave town…~ 

I close the door behind me.  I really hope we can find a way to keep everybody happy.  I don't want them to leave again… but if Nagi is in danger, they will.  They will and they might not tell me where they are going this time.  If they leave again, we'll never find them.  And right now, that is too dangerous, for both of them.

**_~Lonely children on the run, run on the run_**

**_Lonely children need someone, need someone…~_**

-Ken-

Ran is walking.  Probably trying to clear his head to think without distractions.  Omi and Nagi are sleeping.  Which is good, they need the rest desperately.  Youji just went to check on them… good thing I made the decaf, he's almost emptied the pot already.  The dishes are soaking; I'll do them tomorrow.

I don't know the full story yet, but I don't need to.  They need help.  That's what Weiss is supposed to do… help those who cannot help themselves.  And one of them happens to BE Weiss.  We take care of our own.  That's how it works.  And now it appears as though Nagi is one of us too.  That's fine.  Schwarz is gone.  They left him.  Their loss is our gain.

Youji's not in the mood to talk.  That's okay.  I can wait.  I'm not quite as hotheaded as they think I am.  He seems grateful as I pull out my newest soccer magazine and start to flip through it.  He'll tell me when he's ready.  Or I can always get the story from Omi tomorrow.  While I'm feeding him… those kids really need someone to look after them.

~Lonely children in the night, can't see the light 

**_Lonely children need a guiding light, don't forget…~_**

-Ran-

I sit down at one of the empty spots.  Ken is still pretending to look at his magazine; I know he's faking.  He read the thing cover to cover two days ago.  Youji is fiddling with his cup again.  I can tell he wants to know what I've decided.  I don't know how it happened, but somewhere along the line I became the leader.  Funny… me…  Fujimiya Ran, the newest recruit and now the leader.

"They don't have anyone else… do they?"  They both look up at me.

"Iie."  Youji's voice is quiet.  We better wrap this up; he needs to go to bed.

"And you say something is wrong with… Nagi."

"Hai."

"Ran…"  Ken tries to interrupt… but I'm not done.

"Then I guess we'll figure out how to get him to a doctor."  I stand up and head for the door.

"Ran?"

"Oyasumi, Youji.  See you in a little while, Ken."

**_~Lonely children all alone_**

**_Lonely children have no home…~_**

-Youji-

There are times when I think I've seen it all.  Then Ran goes and pulls something like that.  When we walked in the door, Nagi was 'that Schwarz kid', couple hours later, he's 'Nagi' and Ran is talking about getting him a doctor.

I don't know where he takes his walks… but there must be SOMETHING in the air.

I fall into bed.  I can hear Ran and Ken talking quietly on the other side of the wall.  They usually stay in Ran's room… but I guess they don't want to possibly disturb Omi and Nagi.  Not that that's likely… those two are so tired I think they could sleep through an earthquake.  As for me… once I get to sleep I intend to stay that way… and no one better try to wake me before noon.

I'm glad the children are home.

**_~Lonely children on the run_**

**_Hope someday there'll be someone…~_**

And in a small room across the hall… Omi's arms tightened around Nagi… their warm security giving the smaller boy enough comfort to ease the nightmares.  The blond buried his head into his favorite pillow.  It was nice to be home.

~Lonely, lonely children…~ 

TBC…


	7. Fragile

_"Fragile"_

by Yanagi-sen

Weiss Kreuz songfic

Usual disclaimers apply.  As always… the kawaii bishounen weren't created by me (I wish I could create such wonderful characters!).  Breaking a bit with the 'theme' of the arc, this song came out later than the others, but Sting's been around forever so I figure it'll be okay.  Also… while I did do some research for this, just enough to make it believable and plausible, my focus is NOT the medical accuracy or lack thereof… so don't bug me about it please.

Warnings: ANGST

~If blood will flow when fresh and steel are one…~ 

Nagi sighed.  He hated to go to the doctor, any doctor, it didn't matter where or how 'nice' they were… there were too many bad memories and terrorizing experiences attached to medical facilities for him to relax.  Omi may have known Nebelung nearly his whole life, and the small man was about as calm and non-threatening a person as Nagi had ever met… but that didn't keep the fear away.  He had endured the physical exam, the taking of blood, the EEG and was now trying desperately to keep his anxiety down while laying claustrophobic confines of the MRI machine.

He held to the memory of Omi that morning… trying to argue with Youji that they should wait a couple days before forcing him to the doctor.  The taller blond just scowled and asked if it would be any easier later.  Of course it wouldn't, so to avoid the imminent fight, Nagi had agreed to the appointment today.  Now he wished he hadn't, closing his eyes and trying to concentrate on the music playing.  It didn't make sense, he'd always liked closed in places before… people couldn't get to you.  But now… 

The medical center Kritiker maintained was still a medical center… with all the associated smells and sounds and glaring white walls… white… just like the never-ending corridors of Rosenkreuz… NO… he wouldn't think of that hellhole… not now.  Not when he was laying on a chilly platform inside a machine dressed in only a flimsy examination gown.  

Kritiker… he'd almost refused anyways when he found out that's where they were going.  Youji and Omi had both assured him that the medical department was totally separate from the division Manx was in charge of.  They'd told him that Nebelung could be trusted to keep his patient confidentiality… but the anxiety was still there.  It had only been increasing the longer he'd been there.  Omi had stayed with him as long as he could, but the doctor had been insistent that he get checked out too, and since he couldn't have accompanied Nagi into the MRI… it was a good time for his examination.

Finally… the machine's whirring died and he was allowed to escape.

"Naoe-san… there is only one more test I want to run.  It will be quite uncomfortable… but I wouldn't do it unless I was positive it was needed."

This day kept getting better and better…

~Drying in the colour of the evening sun… ~ 

Nebelung finally returned.  He'd taken the samples to the lab himself, wanting to rush the process.  Nagi in exasperation had told Omi to go get something to drink… he'd been pacing and complaining forever.  The slim brunette was waiting patiently in a chair by the window, watching the sun set.  It's been a long time since he'd been able to do that.  The apartment in Singapore faced the wrong way.  He didn't bother to rise when the doctor came back in; he was tired from the day's events.  He was just tired in general.

"Well, doctor?"

"Maybe we should wait for Tsukiyono-san to return."

Icy fingers gripped Nagi's soul.  "There's something wrong isn't there?"  His eyes begged the doctor, pleaded for him to deny it.  But the man's face told Nagi all he needed to know.  He slumped in his seat.  "Just tell me… please."

The small man crossed the room and pulled a chair over to face the young man.  "Yes, there is something wrong.  After hearing your physical symptoms, your emotional state, and the fact that you can't access your… umm powers… I had some suspicions.  Hence the other testing."

"Doctor, please.  I'm too tired for games.  What is wrong with me?"

"Ah… anou… I shared your results with a colleague… I wanted to be sure… we've determined… Naoe-san, you have a brain tumor."

~Tomorrow's rain will wash the stains away… ~ 

Nagi suddenly felt very cold.  A brain tumor.  Cancer.  The doctor was going on about biopsies and chemotherapy and radiation treatments.  But Nagi couldn't really process what he was saying.  Cancer.  He couldn't get past that word.  He heard the door open and looked up woodenly.

Omi.  The blond stood in the doorway, a puzzled expression on his face.

"Ah, Tsukiyono-san… you need to join us."

He was at their side in an instant.  "What is it?  What's wrong?"

Cancer.

Nagi suddenly had Omi's arms around his shoulders, a comforting warmth surrounding him.  He slid over; making room in the chair for his lover while the doctor went back over things for Omi's benefit.  Nagi was deaf to it all.  He could feel himself shaking and the arm around him tightened briefly.  He looked up and his midnight eyes met sky-blue.  He collapsed against the blond, hiding his face in his shoulder.

~But something in our minds will always stay… ~ 

"Nagi…"

"Nagi, please… can you come back to me."

He straightened, lifting his head from Omi's shoulder.  He hadn't been asleep, but he really hadn't been 'aware' either.  "O…omi…"

"It's okay, love.  Um… the doctors… they want to admit you, tonight."

His anxiety mounted.  "I have to stay?"

"Nagi… they want to operate on you in the morning.  They're… they're afraid that we've let this go too long.  And if we wait… it could be a lot worse."

"But…"  He shivered.

"I'm not leaving."

Nagi's head whipped back around.  Omi looked at him with piercing eyes.  

"I'm not going to leave you.  Did you think I would?"

Midnight eyes dropped.

"I wouldn't do that.  I know how scared you are of hospitals.  I already told them to make up two beds… cause I'm not leaving this place without you.  Okay?"

He just nodded; he didn't trust his voice right now.

Omi smiled, and while it wasn't as genki as it normally would have been, it's gentle warmth soothed Nagi's soul.  "I'm going to go make a call, love.  The guys have to know we aren't going to be back tonight.  Will you be okay for a few minutes?"

"H... hai."

**_~Perhaps this final act was meant _**

**_To clinch a lifetime's argument… ~_**

He watched Omi leave.  The day had been a nightmare, he kept hoping to wake up, and find Omi next to him and everything alright.  But he knew it wasn't.  Cancer.  Just the word alone was scary.  And a brain tumor.  Why?  Was it because of the things he'd done?  Was this the universe's way to punish him for the horrible acts he'd committed as a member of Schwarz?  Could karma demand justice so swiftly?

Whatever he'd done in his last life, it must have been truly horrible to have gotten him this one.  Maybe he just wasn't allowed to be happy.  Because he had been, happy, in Singapore, with Omi.  He'd been truly happy for the first time in his entire life.  For the first time, he'd had someone who loved him.  And the whole time, his own body had been conspiring against him.

Would it never end?  Would he ever wake from this never-ending nightmare?  Would he die… after he'd finally found a reason… a person, to live for?

~That nothing comes from violence and nothing ever could… ~ 

It shocked him… that first hot tear.  But that first one was followed by another, and another, until all Nagi could do was curl up in a ball and weep.

"Nagi…"

Only a whisper, but he jumped.  He looked up to see Omi in the doorway, tears of his own misting his cerulean eyes.

"Oh, Nagi."

When Omi took him in his arms, the brunette could only cry harder.  He clung to his blond partner, whispering frantically, not even really aware of what he was saying.  Through the storm, Omi held him, murmuring soothingly, holding him up when his exhausted body couldn't support itself anymore, wiping the tears away.

"Doushite?"

"Nagi?"

"Doushite, Omiitchi?  What was the point?  What was the point of fighting so hard to be together… if it was just going to end up like this?"

~For all those born beneath an angry star… ~ 

"DON'T SAY THAT!"  Omi pulled him closer, nearly crushing him.  "Don't say that.  You're going to be fine.  You have to be.  You're going to be fine."  His own tears flowed hot down his cheeks to fall into Nagi's chocolate hair.

~Lest we forget how fragile we are… ~ 

Nagi sat in the high hospital bed.  Kritiker employed some of the finest doctors and nurses in Japan.  Their main medical facility was top notch, supplied with the latest technological breakthroughs and prepared to deal with any medical emergency that might affect their personnel.  None of this reassured the slender eighteen-year-old boy who was so small; he had to practically climb into the bed.

He stared at the plastic bracelet on his narrow wrist.  A number.  He was back to being a number.  That's all he had been during those hellish years spent at Rosenkreuz.  He'd been a step above that with Schwarz.  A codename, an agent, a prodigy.  With Omi, he had a name.  He WAS someone.  Now he'd come full circle, he was a number again.

He stared at his other arm.  A young nurse, Somali, had already inserted a heparin lock.  He shuddered a bit thinking of the needle UNDER his flesh.  He hated needles.  The skin was already bruising nicely.  He lightly brushed the purpling flesh with shaking fingers.  It probably wouldn't have happened if he'd been able to keep still.  But just the idea of that needle…

He leaned back against the pillows and hid his face in his hands.  Where was Omi?  He needed him.  This place… brought back too many nightmares.

He felt like he was going to break.

~On and on the rain will fall Like tears from a star like tears from a star… ~ 

He watched as the last of the light faded from the sky, helped along by the heavy clouds moving in.  How appropriate, Nagi thought, rain.  He could hear Omi in the bathroom, supposedly getting ready for bed.  He was crying.  Nagi was used to listening for what people didn't want him to hear.  It was the only way he could survive in Schwarz.  But now… it just intensified his guilt.

Not only was his body betraying him… but now he was making Omi cry.  He didn't want to do that.  But that seemed to be all he'd been doing for the entire time they'd been together.  Maybe it would be better if he left.  Maybe it wouldn't be so bad if he did die.  He wasn't dumb… he knew what his chances were.  Even with a successful operation he could have damage.  He didn't want Omi to cry anymore.

He watched the rain fall, pattering softly against the window.

**_~On and on the rain will say _**

**_How fragile we are how fragile we are… ~_**

Nagi was still just staring out the window when the others arrived.  He ignored them.  He didn't feel like answering questions.  They could go ask Nebelung or Somali.  Although, he suspected Omi must have told them already if they were here.  Youji he could understand.  The blond playboy had always been kind to him and accepting of his relationship with their youngest member.  But the other two… they were here for Omi… not for him.  

"Nagi?"

"Hai, Youji?"

"How are you holding up?"  He just shrugged… he didn't have the energy for anything more.  The man sighed and sat down on the edge of his bed.  Nagi shifted his eyes from the window, catching Youji's green ones then dropping to his hands.

"How's Omi?"

The blond shook his head.  "Don't worry about him right now.  I want to know how you are doing?"

"I… I don't know."

"Fair enough.  It's okay to be scared you know."

Midnight eyes looked up at emerald green.  His voice was barely more than a whisper.  "Youji… I'm terrified."  As he started to shake, the blond pulled him into the security of his arms.

"I know… I know."

**_~On and on the rain will fall _**

**_Like tears from a star like tears from a star… ~_**

Ran and Ken found Omi slouched on the floor in the bathroom, rubbing at his cheeks.  "Omi?"

"Ken, Ran… you came."

"Of course we came."  Ran stood in the doorway, while Ken came in and sat down across from Omi.

"How you holding up, kid?"

"Did you hear?  Did Youji tell you?"

"Aa."

"Yeah.  What are they going to do?"

"They're gonna operate in the morning.  Past that… I'm not sure yet."

"So what are you doing in here, when he's sitting alone out there?"

"I just needed… I needed a couple minutes alone.  You know..."

Ran leaned over and laid a hand on his shoulder.  "Aa… I know."

Omi bit his lip trying not to cry again.  Ken held his arms open in invitation and the small blond threw himself across the distance between them to sob brokenly into his shoulder.  Ran knelt and rubbed his back as they let the stressed young man cry himself out.

**_~On and on the rain will say _**

**_How fragile we are how fragile we are… ~_**

"He asleep?"  Youji asked as Ran carried a still Omi out of the bathroom.

"Yeah."  Ken turned down the blankets on the other bed so the redhead could settle his burden.  "How's Nagi?"

Youji sighed.  "How do you think?  He's hurt and confused.  And unless I miss my guess… he's seriously doubting whether he should fight this thing at all.  Why them?  Why the Hell can't fate just leave them alone?"

"That's not for us to say."

"That's crap and you know it.  Why can't these two catch a break?"

"They did."

"Huh?"  Ken at Ran with as much surprise as Youji did.  "What do you mean?"

"They did catch a break.  What would have happened if you hadn't found them in Singapore?  Or if they hadn't come back with you?  For that matter, what would have happened if Nagi hadn't been kicked out of Schwarz?  Do you really think they would have cared for him?  Especially if something goes wrong?   At least now he has a chance."

"Yeah… a chance."  Youji brushed chocolate-colored bangs from Nagi's pale face.  "But what if all his luck's used up?"

No one could respond to that as the members of Weiss settled down for what promised to be a very long night… each thinking of the two in the beds, and how precarious life sometimes is.

~How fragile we are how fragile we are…~ 

TBC…

Don't kill me please!!!!  If you kill me you'll never find out what happens!!!  *ducks behind the security desk of the PPBS*  Protect me Heero!!! -_-;


	8. Heaven

_Heaven_

by Yanagi-sen

Weiss Kreuz songfic

Usual disclaimers apply.  Song this time is by Bryan Adams… (ever notice how he HAS to have a 'yeah!' in every song he sings?)  Anyways… so the song's not mine and neither are the characters.

Warnings: angst (like you're expecting anything else in this series, ne?)

_[flashback]_

**_~Oh, thinkin' about all our younger years  
There was only you and me…~_**

Omi woke first, blinking in the golden glow of the dawning sun pouring in the window.  He smiled, thinking it a nice change from the rain the previous night.  Rain.  Nagi sitting by the window looking out at the rain.  The hospital.  In an instant the circumstances of the previous day and night brought Omi to full wakefulness.  

Blinking, he sat up and yawned looking around.  His cerulean eyes found their first target, a certain brunette still sleeping in the other bed.  His mouth twitched in a smile, Nagi was curled up on his side, face burrowing into the pillow to avoid the brightening sunlight.  The blanket was tucked up under his chin and clutched there by the young man's thin hands.  Omi scooted forward off the bed, his bare feet landing on the cool floor.  He stepped over and brushed the chocolate bangs from his lover's pale face.  Nagi's skin was soft under his touch as he ran the back of his fingers along one thin cheek.  The younger teen responded to his touch, nuzzling the fingers before settling down again with a little sigh.

He looked around… the others weren't there, but he could see signs that they had been.  Ken's coat was tossed in a corner, Youji and Ran's hung more neatly on the back of the bathroom door.  Judging by the amount of sunlight and the lack of coffee in the room… he could guess where his surrogate family had disappeared to.

Carefully, so as not to wake his fragile lover before it was essential, Omi sat on the edge of the bed and watched him sleep.  For that moment… it was just the two of them.

**_~We were young and wild and free  
Now nothin' can take you away from me…~  
  
_**

Omi was disappointed when Somali came in to wake Nagi for his preop preparation.  The sight of his lover's midnight eyes blinking in the morning light, made him smile despite the gravity of the situation.  It always took the brunette awhile to get going in the morning.  In general it took at least 15 minutes… while Omi watched him stretch and burrow back under the covers and finally sit up to blink sleepily at him.  But this morning… Nagi's eyes were weary and he didn't try to rise, merely smiled half-heartedly at his older lover. 

The blond pulled him up enough to slip behind him, laying Nagi back to rest against his chest.  Tilting his head, his partner looked up at him.  "Omi…"

"Hai, Nagi-chan?"

"Omi… what if…"

"No.  No 'what ifs'.  Not this morning.  I want to enjoy the short time we have together."

"Hai."  He rolled over slightly and curled up using Omi as a human pillow.  They stayed like that till Somali and another nurse came to take Nagi away.

**_~We've been down that road before  
But that's over now  
You keep me comin' back for more…~ _**

****

"Omi… you're going to wear right through the floor."

"I'm sorry."

"For what?  Cause you're worried… geesh kid… we're all worried.  Come on… let's go get some coffee."

"But..." Omi didn't want to leave.  What if something happened?  What if they needed him?  

"Omiitchi… It's only noon.  Did you even eat breakfast?"

The blond smiled apologetically.

"That's what I thought.  Come on.  If anyone needs you this place isn't that big."  Youji steered him out of the waiting lounge, past the table where Ken and Ran were going over the Koneko's books, and down the hall toward the small kitchen.  Omi let him… knowing that the lanky blond would not be happy till he had 'taken care' of his younger friend.  "You know… Nagi would never forgive me if I let you get sick."

"Youji…"

"He'll be alright.  He's tough.  So are you.  Now, what do you want in your sandwich?"

**_~Baby you're all that I want  
When you're lyin' here in my arms…~_**  
  


He'd never felt this… lost before.  As the afternoon crawled on all Omi could do was stare off into space, thinking of the last half year.  It had been the most trying and most wonderful six months of his life.  And it was all because of a certain brunette that was just down the hall… and yet so far out of reach.  All he wanted was his lover back, safe in his arms, safe in his life.  He tried not to let the others see the tears welling up in his cerulean eyes as he lost himself in memories.

**_~I'm findin' it hard to believe  
We're in heaven...~_**

_[It was his eyes, Omi decided. Those amazingly expressive pools of midnight blue. His face often revealed nothing, but those eyes… they reflect his soul. Hazy from their loving, as content and peaceful as the brunette had ever been.  Nagi curled into the blonde's embrace, face tucking into Omi's shoulder. He's like a kitten, the older assassin thought, accepting the warmth and comfort of loving arms around him. It had taken a while to get to this point. And he was still a little wary. Afraid that once again, that fragile feeling of trust will be broken.  Omi accepted Nagi's fear. It wasn't unfounded after all. He'd known from the first, that Nagi was no innocent. But he is still shy with the blond sometimes, afterwards. Not used to having someone stick around, having someone hold him, having someone committed only to him.]_

**_~And love is all that I need  
And I found it there in your heart…~  
  
_**

_[The tears are gone, finally; and now he's exhausted. That always happens. Somehow that release of emotion drains him more thoroughly than anything else. Omi wiped the few remaining traces of tears from Nagi's cheeks. He didn't know how the slender teen managed it… but Nagi was beautiful even after he cried. His eyes were a little red, a little puffy, but he didn't get that blotchy, weepy look that Omi did. Nagi was so beautiful and Omi couldn't resist. He leaned in and gave him a soft kiss.  The brunette was surprised for a moment, and then melted. When the blond pulled back the __midnight__ eyes are sleepy. Omi could feel a smile tugging at his mouth. He pulled up the blanket and settled it around his too-thin shoulders.]_

**_~It isn't too hard to see  
We're in heaven…~_**

He had to admit… he liked caring for Nagi.  A part of him had resisted going to the doctor because of that.  His rational mind kept trying to say that they hadn't had the money anyways, but another part… a very critical part, had to admit the truth.  He liked Nagi depending on him.  He liked being needed for something other than his hacking skills.  He liked someone looking to HIM for protection and security.  And he thought… deep down, Nagi liked being cared for.  No one had ever done that for the younger teen in the past.  He'd been 'independent' since such a young age.  He'd never felt the unconditional love of another before.

Both of them were to blame for putting this off.  Both of them, but he should have known better.  He should have known how serious this was.  Hadn't he watched as Nagi got worse and worse, when he stopped really eating, when he couldn't sleep, but wasn't really awake either.  How could he call himself the young man's lover… his partner… when he couldn't even see how ill he was getting?

Ignorance truly is bliss.

Ignorance is heaven.

**_~Oh, once in your life you find someone  
Who will turn your world around…~  
  
_**

So much had happened… in such a very short time.  He couldn't remember when Nagi hadn't been in his thoughts.  First as a rival to be brought to justice… then after that first one-on-one confrontation… in the back room of that prostitution ring's hideout, he didn't think his whole existence could change in only a few minutes.  But it did.  When he saw Nagi… standing there, shivering from the rain, with a harsh bruise marring his fair face… the young man had gone from an enemy to a boy in need of help.  The others thought Omi too soft-hearted at times.  He supposed they were right, but if he hadn't been that way… he would never have found out how wonderful Nagi was.

He'd offered his own coat to the boy, while he hacked the office's records.  Nagi just sat there, stunned, in another chair, Omi's coat draped over his thin shoulders.  He'd been expecting a fight, and when that didn't happen, the brunette had obviously been at a loss as to what else to do.  Omi had simply finished up his job, erased any trace of his presence and left.  He'd felt midnight eyes on him as he left… but he made no effort to harm or impede his fellow assassin.  He remembered thinking their life was difficult enough as it was without the never-ending rivalry between Weiss and Schwarz.

They'd met a couple more times, on accident, before their meetings ceased being accidents and they actively sought each other out.  Even then, there was a wariness to the other boy that made Omi wonder why?  Why was he with Schwarz at all?  He didn't seem to be like them… let alone WANT to be with them.  Why was he so thin?  Why did he seem to be bruised so often?  Why… why that never-ending sadness in his eyes?

He'd turned Omi's world upside down, inside out, and sideways.

And Omi wouldn't change it for anything.

**_~Bring you up when you're feelin' down  
Yeah, nothin' could change what you mean to me…~  
  
_**

He didn't think if he was asked he could even put it into words, how much Nagi meant to him.  It was beyond description.  Almost beyond comprehension.  He had never experienced this much emotion attached to one person before.  He'd felt affection for sure, for his teammates, Persia, Manx… before.  He'd even loved, Ouka, a few others, Youji, Ken and Ran when they'd ceased to just be teammates and became his family.  But this type of love.  All consuming, all encompassing… this was new.  This was unique.  He doubted he would be capable of a love like this again in this life.  He'd been lucky enough to find the one his soul was destined for… if he died…

If Nagi died…

Nothing would ever be the same.  Cause for him Nagi was the beginning and the end of his existence.

**_~Oh, there's lots that I could say  
But just hold me now  
'Cause our love will light the way…~  _**

He didn't look away from the window, even when he felt someone step up behind him.  Lanky arms wrapped around him, pulling him back into a comforting embrace.  The faint scent of cologne surrounded him.  Youji.  He reached up and laid his own hands over the taller blonde's.  "I'm okay."

"No you're not."  

Omi didn't dispute his older friend, simply accepting the comfort being offered.  At last he sighed and found Youji's chin on his shoulder.

"Penny for your thoughts?"

"I want this over."

"The waiting?"

"Hai… and everything.  I just want to take him home and curl up together.  I want to hold on and never let go."  He cocked his head, resting his cheek against the older man's arm.  "I must sound foolish."

"Why do you say that?  I think it sounds cute."

He twisted to be able to look at the taller blonde's face.  He wrinkled his nose in disgust.  "Cute?  We're not cute."

"Sure you are.  A pair of kawaii bishounen."  The man folded at the waist as the younger man put an elbow in his ribs.

"We're ex-assassins… we are hardly… cute."

"Tsukiyono-san…"  They all looked up to see a very tired looking Somali in the doorway.  "If you would like to see him…"

Omi pulled out of Youji's arms and dashed across the room.

**_~I've been waitin' for so long  
For somethin' to arrive…~_**  
  


He was a little afraid to get too close to the figure in the bed.  Nagi looked so small, so frail.  His face was pale beneath the bandages, his body lying so still.  Omi crept forward and sat on the stool for visitors.  He lifted one small hand into his own tracing the veins and tendons beneath the thin skin.  He was happy to see that the doctors hadn't had to shave off all of the young man's baby fine chocolate hair.  He ran hesitant fingers through those soft locks.  

Part of what he wanted so badly, was here now.  He had Nagi with him, could touch him, and see for himself that the younger teen was alive and resting.  But they weren't home yet.  He couldn't curl up with his lover.  Couldn't even really hold him.  But the first part of the wait was over.

Relief and exhaustion from the stress caused the blond to fall asleep, head on the bed beside his lover.

**_~For love to come along  
Now our dreams are comin' true…~  
  
_**

He woke suddenly from his dream… where he and Nagi had been at a beach, playing in the surf and laying on the warm sand.  He sat up and went to stretch, his movement arrested by a hand clutching his own.  Blinking sleepily, he looked down, to see Nagi's eyes barely open themselves.

"Nagi?  Are you awake?"

"Sort of…"  The younger man's voice was faint and fuzzy.

"That's okay.  Just rest."  

Nagi mumbled something, even as his eyes fell again.  Omi leaned closer and the brunette whispered again.

"I love you…"

**_~Through the good times and the bad  
Yeah, I'll be standin' there by you...~_**

TBC…


	9. Heal Me

Heal Me  
  
By Yanagi-sen Weiss Kreuz songfic  
  
Usual disclaimers apply. Characters and song by other people. This song by Melissa Etheridge. Warnings: angst, a touch of sap  
  
  
  
~Ain't it crazy For a moment there This felt just like dying~  
  
He had always hated that time when you were just coming out of the anesthesia. Those moments between sleeping and waking, when you couldn't really move, couldn't focus, couldn't quite remember what had put you into that state. Then your mind would kind of. catch up, reboot if you will, and you remember, usually. If you couldn't remember then you were generally in bigger trouble than you thought.  
  
But he could remember. He remembered quite clearly the orderlies transferring him from the hospital bed to the gurney and then wheeling him away. He could remember looking back and seeing Omi, Youji's arm around him, watching from the doorway. He remembered the pain in the shorter blonde's eyes. Pain and concern and worry. And then the door swung closed and all he could see were doctors and nurses and everywhere people in scrubs and white coats. It took every ounce of concentration he could muster to keep calm. This reminded him too much of Rosenhell and Esset's medical labs.  
  
Then a familiar set of eyes as Somali leaned over him. His gaze latched on to her and by some miracle she seemed to understand, for she didn't step away, taking his hand and telling him everything they were going to do before they did it. Her eyes were what he focused on even as the drugs took affect and he started to slip away.  
  
But even then, his last conscious thought. was what if he died?  
  
~But now I see that something inside Is coming alive Ain't it crazy~  
  
He remembered it all. Except. there were holes in the last few months. He frowned. His memory was practically photographic. that's what made him such a good student and hacker, the Prodigy. But he couldn't remember things. there were gaps.  
  
He forced his body to push though the lassitude. He opened his eyes.  
  
And saw Omi yawning sleepily. His lover must have just woken up himself. The blond started to stretch, the movement threatening to pull his hand from Nagi's grasp. The brunette tightened his grip. Cerulean eyes widened and looked down into his own.  
  
The blond blinked, and then smiled. "Nagi? Are you awake?"  
  
He tried to talk. but his mouth and throat felt as if they were stuffed with cotton. "Sort of."  
  
Omi rubbed his hand soothingly. "That's okay. Just rest."  
  
He didn't want to rest. not yet. There was something he had to tell Omi. Something very important. but his body wouldn't cooperate. His eyes were closing even as he tried to speak. He felt the blond lean closer. He tried again. "I love you."  
  
"I love you too." The whisper followed him down into the darkness.  
  
~No use running from a revolution I just surrender to this evolution~  
  
His dreams had been very odd, he remembered once he woke again. Jumping from place to place, time to time. like a movie of his life, but all cut up and jumbled and put back in the wrong order. But it had kept coming back to the one constant he'd had for the last year, Omi. Always his dream would return to the blond, who was just standing there. Just like the first time they'd met. When they had just stared at each other for an eternity that lasted less than a minute.  
  
"Weird." He mumbled as he tried to force his reluctant body to fully wake. He was still groggy but more aware this time. The sun was streaming in the windows. but thankfully his bed was out of the blinding rays. He managed to convince his head to turn to one side. the side Omi had been on before. But instead of cerulean eyes under a shock of dark blond hair, his gaze met cool amethyst. "Ran." he breathed the name into the room.  
  
"Aa." The redhead shifted on the stool. He glanced toward the door, then back at Nagi. "Youji took Omi to eat."  
  
"Aa." Nagi closed his eyes for a second then opened them again. Ran hadn't moved, was still starting at him. Nagi swallowed and tried to speak around the frog in his throat. "How is he?"  
  
"Better, how are you?"  
  
The brunette shrugged. "Thirsty." He spied the glass and pitcher on the table beside the bed. Grimacing with the effort, he tried to convince his body that it would be a good idea to roll over so he could reach the water. A hand on his shoulder arrested his movement and he looked up at Ran questioningly.  
  
"Let me."  
  
~Heal me lift me Take me to the other side~  
  
Nagi just lay back against the pillows. Ran had had to help him hold the glass in the end, his fingers not wanting to close around the cup tightly enough. But the stern leader of Weiss had made no comment, simply helped him to sit up, supported his hand, and gently laid him back when he was done. He had returned to his seat, and was watching the brunette again.  
  
"Gomen."  
  
"Huh?"  
  
The swordsman looked past him and out the window. "Gomen. For not being reasonable before."  
  
Nagi shrugged. "We were enemies."  
  
"But I should have trusted Omi's judgment. I trusted him with my life, with my sister, trusted his abilities to get intel and plan, but I didn't trust his choice of a friend. That night you showed up, I wasn't thinking about you as a human being, needing help. All I was thinking was that one of my enemies was weakened. That was cruel of me, I'm sorry."  
  
"Ran. I didn't expect you to accept me. I didn't even really expect Omi to open the door. Schu dropped me off outside or I never would have made it. I figured Omi would slam the door in my face and I'd just stagger off the way Crawford had planned."  
  
Amethyst eyes narrowed in anger. "Planned? What, did he want you to die?"  
  
"Yes." The silence after Nagi's answer was strained and uncomfortable. The brunette didn't have the energy or inclination to soften his response. Ran was a man who wanted the truth, and Nagi would give it to him.  
  
"Hnnn." The redhead sat back. "Get some rest. You'll need it if we are going to convince the doctors to let us take you home."  
  
~Amazing grace Has touched my face And the sweet sound doesn't lie~  
  
The sound of Omi's laughter floating up the hallway opened midnight blue eyes. The sight of said genki blond turning into the room, joy in his eyes, was enough to bring a small smile to the brunette's face.  
  
"Nagi. you're awake." The blond, carefully, flung himself onto the bed and enfolded him in a gentle hug.  
  
"Aa."  
  
"He woke up a little while ago."  
  
"And you didn't kill each other, amazing." Youji drawled from where he lounged in the doorway. Ken popped in on his other side.  
  
"Youji!"  
  
"What?"  
  
"How are you feeling?" Omi's eyes, boring into his own forced him to be totally truthful.  
  
"Okay. A little sleepy."  
  
"That's to be expected. Let's go." Ran stood and herded Youji and Ken out of the room, the former soccer star complaining all the way down the hallway. Omi smiled fondly, and then crawled up into the bed. With careful shifting, they got themselves arranged with the blond sitting behind him and the brunette reclining against his human pillow.  
  
Soft lips found his temple and then when he turned his head, gently pressed against his mouth. Omi's cerulean eyes were warm. "By the way Nagi-chan. I love you."  
  
~Ain't it crazy For a moment there I just gave up trying~  
  
"How sweet."  
  
The strange voice at the door brought the couple back from their private moment. Nagi stiffened even as Omi's arms closed around him protectively. Standing in the entry was a red-haired woman, holding a vase of flowers. "Manx." the blond whispered.  
  
With a strange smile the woman entered and crossed to set the vase on the window sill. "Beautiful day out isn't it?"  
  
Nagi was trembling slightly, so slightly that it was probably not even visible, but he knew Omi would feel it. Manx. The woman who had given him nightmares for months. The woman who's actions had brought out flashbacks that still haunted his rest. The woman who had practically raised Omi, and then betrayed him.  
  
"What are you doing here?"  
  
Nagi looked at his lover's face. Omi's expression was hard, cold; Bombay looked out at the current leader of Kritiker. He shivered slightly and felt the blonde's arms squeeze him reassuringly.  
  
"I heard about what had happened. I wanted to stop by and see how the boy was doing." It was the way she said it. Nagi got the feeling that if she'd come by and found him alone, she would have tried to finish the job.  
  
"He HAS a name and is right here in the room. don't treat him like some kind of pet, Manx." The brunette had never heard Omi sound so. harsh.  
  
"Oh, I'm sorry. how impolite of me. How are you doing, Naoe?" He smile was false. and obviously forced.  
  
"Fine."  
  
"How nice. I assume the medical staff is treating you well. we pride ourselves on our fine personnel."  
  
"What are YOU doing here?" All eyes turned to the door and the furious form of one Kudou Youji. Ran and Ken flanked him on either side; all three wore identical expressions of anger and disgust.  
  
"I'm just visiting the patient."  
  
"I think it's time you left." Ken stepped in and took her arm, Ran escorting the woman on the other side, even as Youji stood between her and the young men on the bed.  
  
~But now I see You can let the light in You can begin again~  
  
Warm arms around him, sheltering and protecting, the scent of Omi's shampoo. he sank into the comforting support.  
  
"Nagi?" Omi's voice was questioning, uncertain, he loosened his grip.  
  
Midnight eyes opened to see both Omi and Youji looking at him with concern. He reached up and pulled the shorter blonde's arms more tightly around him again. "I'm okay."  
  
"Are you sure? What did she want? We should have stayed."  
  
"Youji! Youji. we're fine. it's okay." Omi's voice was soothing.  
  
"But."  
  
"Youji." Nagi tried to sit up a little straighter, his lover assisting him. "I'm fine. Omi's fine. She didn't do anything."  
  
"She could have." Ken spit out bitterly as he walked in with his partner. "Bitch."  
  
Everyone nodded with that assessment. Then Ran headed for the door. "I'm going to go find out what idiot told her you were here, and let her in." Ken and Youji nodded, taking up positions by the door and window.  
  
"I'll be happier when we can get you boys home."  
  
Nagi pressed his face into his lover's chest. He felt so lucky. to have such people around him now. He could feel warm tears pricking his eyes. Schwarz would never have been supportive like this. They MIGHT have gotten him the operation, if the potential for recovery and retention of his powers were assured, but they wouldn't have been here. They wouldn't have visited him, waited for him to wake, helped him through the confusion and grogginess.  
  
"Nagi?"  
  
"I'm okay."  
  
"But you're crying."  
  
"Thank you."  
  
"For what?"  
  
"For being here."  
  
~Ain't it crazy I lay me down in this sweet perfection I am a witness to my resurrection~  
  
"Alright, Naoe-san. We're going to let you go home today. I know you think you've been here for quite a while, normally we would keep you longer, but Abyssinian has convinced me that there is a risk. I assure you, I did not inform her of your condition or even your presence. If I find out who did. they will no longer be working in this department. Your friends have been briefed on your medication and things to look for. I want to see you back here in two days. At that time we will start to discuss the next phase of your treatment." Nebelung seemed quite affronted that Manx had made it in to see his patient the day after surgery, especially since he'd given express orders that she not be permitted once they had explained the situation.  
  
Nagi nodded. He was already dressed and seated in a wheelchair. Omi was making sure Youji was ready with the car. Ran had told everyone he could corner for days exactly what he thought of Manx's little visit. As a consequence. the medical staff had been 'persuaded' to allow them to care for Nagi at the Koneko.  
  
"Are you ready, Nagi-chan?"  
  
"Hai."  
  
Omi skillfully wheeled him out of the room and down the hall. Somali waved from her place behind the desk as Nebelung walked beside them. Youji stood next to 'Seven', grinning in the warm sunshine. Nagi took a deep breath as they got outside. Free. Everyone was very nice, except for 'HER', but it was still a medical facility, with all the sounds and smells one would expect. Youji opened the door with flourish and Omi helped him out of the chair and into the seat. He jumped in behind and the taller blond shut the car door. As he walked around Nebelung leaned on the door.  
  
"You take care, Naoe-san, and remember I want to see you in two days."  
  
Nagi nodded as Youji fired up the roadster. "I will." The doctor smiled and stepped away.  
  
"Let's go home." Omi said, buckling up his seatbelt.  
  
"Yes sir." Youji checked traffic and pulled out onto the street.  
  
~Heal me lift me Take me to the waterside Drop me in let me swim~  
  
"Youji?" He started to speak as they waited in traffic.  
  
"Hai chibi."  
  
He sighed. "Could we. could go down by the water before heading home?"  
  
"The park?"  
  
"Hai."  
  
"Are you sure you're not too tired, Nagi-chan?"  
  
"Iie. I want to smell the sea."  
  
Omi walked on one side and Youji on the other, both ready to steady him if he needed it. Neither blond was too happy about him walking, but Nagi was adamant. He wanted to feel the breeze on his face, the sun on his skin. He was tired. but this made him feel better. They sat on a bench overlooking the water.  
  
"Thank you, guys."  
  
Youji just smiled and stepped away to talk with some girls walking their dogs. Omi laughed at their friend and put his arm around Nagi. The brunette snuggled into his love's torso and laid his head on the blonde's shoulder.  
  
~Let everyone know I'll be coming home again~  
  
"Tadaima!" Omi called up the stairway as Youji carried Nagi up the narrow steps. The smaller teen had wanted to walk up himself, but after the time they had spent at the park, he didn't have the strength.  
  
"Okaeri." Ken poked his head out of the kitchen as they entered. "Dinner will be ready shortly. Are you okay, Nagi?"  
  
"I'm fine."  
  
"He just tired himself out." Youji set him down in a chair, Omi took their bags into his bedroom. Ran appeared with a glass of water.  
  
"Okay." Ken disappeared returning with a stack of dishes. Ran set the table as Youji hung up his coat and keys. Omi went into the kitchen to help Ken even as Youji tried to steal a snack. Ran sighed and went in. their bickering drifted out the door. Nagi smiled, this was more than a house. it was a home.  
  
~Make no mistake I'm wide-awake Ain't it crazy~  
  
"Nagi. are you still awake?"  
  
"Aa." He lay, staring at the ceiling. It had been a wonderful two days. Time for the two of them to be together, for the first time since they'd known each other, they'd had no worries. The others had given them their space, but at the same time, were around to help them. Ken had tried to outdo himself in the kitchen. Youji had always been ready with a joke or a helping hand. Ran had simply been around, quietly appearing with drinks or snacks or a blanket. It had been wonderful. But tomorrow they went back to see Nebelung.  
  
They had tried to forget, but of course couldn't completely, that the surgery was only step one. They had learned how to ignore all the unpleasantness around them. But reality was intruding.  
  
"You need to rest."  
  
"So do you."  
  
"Yeah. but you need it more."  
  
Nagi didn't argue, Omi was right after all. He stared up at the ceiling and the shifting lights coming in from the street below. Finally the blond moved around so he was wrapped around Nagi's back. Engulfed in the embrace, the brunette eventually drifted off to sleep.  
  
~Heal me lift me Take me to the other side~  
  
"So, Nebelung. what do you have for us?" They were barely in the door the next morning before Omi was making his request. The small doctor smiled slightly.  
  
"Well. I do have good news. The tumor was benign."  
  
It was as if a great weight had suddenly lifted itself from Nagi's thin shoulders. He'd tried to ignore the possibility of malignancy. but it had lingered in the back of his mind since he'd first heard the word 'cancer'. He was suddenly enfolded in the arms of one very genki blond.  
  
"You're going to be okay! You're going to be okay!!"  
  
Nagi lost his breath momentarily as Omi squeezed him. The blond finally released him and looked up to the doctor.  
  
"What? What's wrong?"  
  
Nebelung was smiling, but it was a guarded smile. "Yes. the fact that the tumor was benign was a wonderful stroke of luck. but I don't think you realize that Naoe-san's treatment has just begun. We believe that we did remove 99% of the tumor. but to be sure we have to think of the second phase of treatment."  
  
"Second phase?"  
  
"Yes, to eliminate any remaining cancerous cells, I am recommending radiation treatment."  
  
~I'll take what I've earned These lessons I've learned I'm ready for the ride~  
  
Nagi just sat on the couch, letting Omi tell the guys what Nebelung said. "So he said we would start as soon as he thought Nagi's body was ready."  
  
"What did he say about."  
  
Nagi tuned out their conversation, thinking back everything the gentle doctor had said.  
  
["Naoe-san, you have to realize that there are side effects to the treatments. Not everyone experiences them but I do want you to be aware of the drawbacks. We use x-rays to kill the cancerous cells. Now the x-rays themselves don't do anything to the cell, what they do is react with the water and other things to kill the cell. I won't get into the specifics now but if you are interested I have some pamphlets you can read.  
  
Nagi nodded. Omi squeezed his hand reassuringly.  
  
"The problem is both the normal and cancerous cells are damaged, the abnormal cells are more sensitive to damage and not as able to repair themselves. If we can treat you daily or even twice a day, the damage is compounded for the cancerous cells and we see better results, with less damage to the normal cells. Therefore I would like to see you at least once a day, Monday through Friday; it will only take a few minutes for the treatment to be administered."  
  
Nagi shuddered slightly. Daily visits? He wasn't sure he could handle that. "Nagi?" He looked at Omi, he was sure his eyes were a little wild. "It will be okay. I'll come with you." Omi turned to face Nebelung again. "What about those side effects you mentioned? What kinds of things are we talking about here? Will he lose his hair and stuff like that?"  
  
The doctor nodded slightly. "He may. Generally hair loss is limited to the area being irradiated. In Naoe-san's case I believe the hair loss will be minimal and generally it does grow back. Other possible effects are nausea and vomiting, especially if you have a tendency toward anxiety, also mood disorders or distress can trigger more anticipatory nausea than the actual treatment. Given where the tumor was located and the symptoms Naoe- san exhibited, I think this could be a possibility. This can be treated with anti-nausea drugs."  
  
"The other main side effect will most likely be fatigue. This occurs in 78- 96% of all patients with cancer. There can be any number of factors that cause fatigue. Of course we cannot predict this and will simply have to deal with problems if they arise. However there are some new medications becoming available that might be able to help with the fatigue. Now there may also be some lingering side effects from the tumor itself."  
  
He pulled out a chart displaying the brain. "Naoe-san's tumor was located approximately here, in the left frontal lobe. One of the effects of this was your pseudodepression; you may also experience some amnesia, even retrograde, and some loss of fine motor control on your right side. If you have any questions, I'd be happy to answer them."]  
  
~Heal me lift me Take me and my soul will fly My battered heart will make a new start~  
  
He gently rubbed his thumb against the fingers of his right hand. He had noticed that his hand didn't seem to be able to grip as well. He thought it had just been from the anesthesia. But he remembered other times in the previous months when he hadn't seemed to be able to type as well as he thought he should. And the memory gaps. they made sense now, he'd thought it had just been his apathy, which was also now explained. So many different things. and yet they had all pointed toward a mutiny by a few cells. All those problems he'd been having. because of his own body. He wondered if his inability to access his powers had also been because of the tumor. It was impossible for Nebelung to answer that. Kritiker hadn't done nearly the psis research that Esset had done. Course Esset's method had generally involved the death of the subject. eventually.  
  
He thought he would be discouraged by everything they had learned today, but he wasn't. On the contrary, now that so many of his ongoing problems could possibly be explained away by the cancer, he felt a new sense of hopefulness taking over. For the first time, he felt like maybe, just maybe he could actually beat this thing. That he might survive, and maybe even be normal.  
  
"Nagi-chan?"  
  
"Hai?" He looked up to see them all looking at him.  
  
"Are you okay, chibi?"  
  
"Hai." He smiled a bit. "I'm fine."  
  
~Let everyone know I'll be coming home again~  
  
Omi smiled. "You seem. happier."  
  
"Aa."  
  
Ran was watching his fingers. "Your hand?"  
  
Nagi shrugged. "Nebelung said the coordination should come back. If it doesn't. well, at least I'm a live, ne?"  
  
"Hai, chibi." Youji ruffled his hair as he passed by, heading for the door and the date that was no doubt waiting for him.  
  
"I'm not a chibi."  
  
"Sure kid. whatever."  
  
~Heal me lift me Take me to the waterside Drop me in ~  
  
"Nagi." Omi was changing; the brunette was already in bed, waiting for his lover to join him.  
  
"Hai?"  
  
"How do you feel? Really! I don't want any half-truths or anything like that."  
  
Nagi lounged, rubbing the edge of the bandage where it was itching. "I really feel fine. Honest. I can't explain it, but I feel. well, hopeful."  
  
The blond smiled. "I'm so glad. Physically?"  
  
"A little tired but not bad, why?"  
  
Omi lay down on the bed and reached up to turn off the light. "Oh. I just thought maybe. if you felt like it."  
  
~Come on and watch me swim Let everyone know I'll be coming home again~  
  
TBC.  
  
A/N: I'm sure you ALL know what Omi was talking about there. if you don't. then your mind obviously doesn't reside in the gutter like mine does. Again. all the brain tumor and radiation info is as accurate as the medical websites I got the stuff from. Again, the emphasis is NOT the medical side of this. but the emotional. My plan (I hope) is to finish this series BEFORE I leave for Japan. I'm crossing my fingers on this. -Yan 


	10. Thank You for Loving Me

"Thank You For Loving Me"  
  
by Yanagi-sen Weiss Kreuz songfic  
  
Usual disclaimers apply. Back to using Bon Jovi for the lyrics again, can't tell I'm a product of the 80's can you?  
  
Warnings: angst, yaoi, lots of flashbacks [flashback]  
  
~It's hard for me to say the things I want to say sometimes ~  
  
"Honto ne?"  
  
"Hai, Naoe-san. The last scan has found no trace of abnormal cells. It's been long enough since your last treatment that I think we can say you are in remission. Now, a word of caution. that doesn't mean you are cured. We will continue to monitor your condition, although not as frequently. If in five years you don't have a relapse, we can declare you cured. But for now. enjoy your life. You won't have to be tortured by coming here as often." The gentle doctor's smile softened the words, letting Nagi know the man was joking. By now, everyone at Kritiker's medical facility knew how much he was disturbed by the place. They didn't hold it against him, word had gotten around of Esset's medical practices and how traumatizing the experience has been for him as a child. At this point, he was as much a favorite around the place as Omi was and if the nurses knew they were coming, one would inevitably have cookies and tea waiting for them.  
  
"Thank you, doctor." He said as he rose. Omi was already jumping around and hugging him, Nagi knew he was blushing from the twenty-year-old's antics. "Is there anything else?"  
  
"Iie. Go on and enjoy your evening."  
  
The blond was practically skipping down the hall beside him, waving a cheery farewell to the nurses. "Nagi. we should celebrate. what do you want to do?"  
  
The brunette cocked his head, thinking. "Well. I think we should go home first. If the guys are there we can tell them the good news."  
  
"Okay." He opened the car door with a flourish. "After you, sir."  
  
Nagi giggled a bit as he climbed in. Omi ran around the slid behind the wheel. Traffic was bad, requiring all of the blonde's concentration, leaving the brunette free to think.  
  
~There's no one here but you and me And that broken old street light ~  
  
What a journey it had been to reach this point. He was immensely grateful for all that Nebelung, Somali, and the rest of the medical staff had done for him. And the others. Manx had finally been given a forced retirement, mostly thanks to the efforts of Ran, Ken, and Youji. She had been deemed emotionally unstable and offered the choice of resigning and living the rest of her life comfortably traveling the world, or being confined at a remote training facility on Hokkaido. No one really wanted to kill her; she had been a great operative and a wonderful person once. Even he didn't really feel any animosity toward her anymore, not after seeing how disturbed she now was. Grief can do funny things.  
  
Just because he didn't hate her didn't mean he was comfortable in her presence though. Even now, over a year later, he would still have nightmares occasionally of his one afternoon as a prisoner of Kritiker. Omi had assured him, repeatedly that it hadn't been the Manx he'd grown up with, but that was of scant comfort when he awoke in the middle of the night shaking with terror.  
  
He pushed thoughts of the red-haired woman from his mind. Today was a happy day, not a time to dwell on sorrows from the past.  
  
Even as he thought that he knew that he couldn't help it. He just had a tendency to dwell. A gentle touch brought him back to the present. Omi had reached over and taken his hand. He gave the blonde's fingers a reassuring squeeze then let go so Omi wouldn't be impaired with driving. It would really suck to survive cancer and being an assassin only to die in a preventable car crash.  
  
His mind really was maudlin at times.  
  
~Lock the doors We'll leave the world outside ~  
  
"Tadaima!" Omi opened the door and held it for Nagi. Only silence met their return. "Guys?" They wandered through the apartment over the Koneko. "Guys?" On the kitchen they found a handwritten note from Youji.  
  
'Omiitchi and Nagi-kins, Ran went to watch Ken's team's soccer game, I've got a date. Don't stay up, I'll be late. Ja! -Youji'  
  
"Well. that's a bummer."  
  
"It's okay, Omi."  
  
"But they knew you had this appointment."  
  
"It's really alright. We have the evening to ourselves now."  
  
Omi's smile grew as he put all the pieces together, adding up to a quiet night with just the two of them. "I'll make dinner."  
  
~All I've got to give to you Are these five words when I Thank you for loving me ~  
  
Nagi settled at the table. He watched the blond pulling ingredients from the refrigerator and cabinets.  
  
"What would you like tonight?" Cerulean eyes met his own.  
  
The brunette smiled. "Surprise me."  
  
Omi turned back, grumbling about people who never make a decision. [1] He set a pot of water to boil and started to chop vegetables. Nagi just watched him in silence. He loved to do this, just watch Omi work. It didn't matter what the blond did, programming, cooking, cleaning; just watching Omi at his tasks. His mind started to wander. The blond had done so much for him.  
  
He could have turned him away that first night. But he had taken him into his home and family. Then run away from everything he knew, to keep him safe. He'd sacrificed sleep and any semblance of a life to care for him when he was ill. The blonde had given up a lot to be with him. And yet he'd done it without hesitation or question.  
  
"Tea?" Omi set the steaming cup on the table and went back to his preparations.  
  
"Doumo." Nagi sipped the warm liquid. His lover had remembered to make his special blend, just a bit of mint in with the green tea. Somali had made it for him first, when he had been feeling so nauseous all the time, and it had helped. He wasn't sure if it was just in his head or whether it actually calmed him, but he had developed a taste for it. Omi had bugged the nurse till she'd given him the recipe and he made it for Nagi now. Just another example of the blonde's thoughtfulness.  
  
He sipped his tea and let his mind wander.  
  
~For being my eyes When I couldn't see ~  
  
[The hallway was echoingly silent; the only sound his own quiet shuffling and the distant murmur of the ventilation system. The youngest Schwarz eased into the office and shut the door behind him. The cameras would be down for the next forty minutes. the regular monthly maintenance, poor system if anyone bothered to ask him. But they didn't, and just as well. If HE had designed the system, he wouldn't be getting in like this. Crossing to the chairman's desk, he sat himself down in the man's extravagantly expensive leather chair and powered up the state of the art computer.  
  
Perusing the files he snorted derisively. For what the man used this for, this computer was well beyond what he needed. Nagi's fingers itched to get his hands on a system like this, but Crawford had said no. Said that his current equipment was good enough. The brunette grumbled, what did he know? HE wasn't the one who had to use it. Bitching mentally, he searched for the financial records. Takatori was sure the man was embezzling. and a considerable amount at that. A little pocket lining was acceptable and expected, but this man's creative banking was apparently getting out of hand.  
  
He zipped the files he needed and pocketed the disk. He erased every trace of his being in the system, adding a minor virus that would distract the techs for a couple days, and then checked to make sure he'd left no physical evidence behind. He wore gloves of course, thin latex that would be disposed of when he got home. His clothes were dark in hue and snug to avoid attention. His hair confined under a cap. Satisfied that he couldn't be identified as being there, he prepared to leave.  
  
As he approached the door, it swung open of its own accord. He froze. knowing he was backlit from the moonlight outside the huge plate glass windows. There was no way he wouldn't be seen.  
  
A gasp. and a whispered word. "Schwarz."  
  
"Weiss."  
  
The blond entered and shut the door behind him. "What are you doing here?"  
  
"Work."  
  
"Ah. well, I suppose it's pointless for me to try to get anything out of that system, ne? You've already trashed it?"  
  
"Not entirely. but yes."  
  
"Ah. oh well, I'll just tell Ran there were complications." He turned as if to leave. Nagi blinked, confused.  
  
"Aren't we. aren't we going to fight?"  
  
The archer turned back. "Not unless you really want to. I mean, what's the point." He smiled. "Come on. I know a quick way out." Still confused, Nagi followed the Weiss boy.]  
  
~For parting my lips When I couldn't breathe ~  
  
[Wincing with every step, Nagi made his way down the alley to the back of the building. His vision was graying as he rang the bell, praying that someone. anyone would be home.  
  
"JUST A MINUTE!"  
  
He could hear a lock being released and then the door opened a crack. A blue eye peered out. "Yes?"  
  
"Omi." Nagi croaked.  
  
The door was yanked open and the blond assassin stood in the doorway, Nagi could see the horror at his condition. /I must really look bad./  
  
"Omi. what's." The older blond, Youji, appeared at the foot of the stairs. He too regarded the pale brunette with something akin to sadness in his eyes. "Chibi, get the first aid kit, quickly." Omi disappeared. "Come on kid. let me help you."  
  
"Why?" Nagi didn't trust this man, didn't trust anyone right now. He was shocked they didn't slam the door in his face.  
  
"Can you walk up those stairs?" The brunette shook his head. "Then let me help you." He offered his arm, and Nagi was grateful for the support as he made is slow, painful way up the steps. At the top, they found Omi dithering.  
  
"The first-aid kit is in the kitchen."  
  
"Okay. Help me sit him down." They tried to be gentle, but his injuries were too many and too serious and he cried out in pain. "Kuso." Youji swore. "Who beat the shit out of you?"  
  
Nagi turned his head into Omi's arm as they tried to remove blood-soaked clothing that had dried to his wounds. "Crawford. it was Crawford." he managed to whisper. The hands stilled for a second, then continued.]  
  
~Thank you for loving me Thank you for loving me ~  
  
[/He's not going to come. He's left me with these people and he's not going to come. I'm not surprised. why should he? He's Weiss. and I'm. or I WAS. Schwarz. I'm nothing. no one. oh it hurts so much. Everything is broken.my body, my mind. my heart. and he's not coming./ He rocked back and forth on his knees.  
  
Nagi ignored the door when it creaked open. It was probably another Kritiker interrogator coming to ask more questions. Or worse. it might be HER. it was safer for him to just lie there. maybe they would go away.  
  
"Nagi."  
  
No. it's not him. just my imagination.  
  
"Nagi-chan."  
  
/It has to be him. no one else calls me that./ He stopped and slowly lifted his eyes, sure that the boy was merely an apparition that would disappear any second. "Omi?" It hurts to speak. it hurts to do anything. The golden-haired boy drops to his knees beside me, the fingers of his hand brushing my leg. /He's real! He's real and he's here!/  
  
He flung his arms around the archer's waist and started to cry. /He came for me. he really came./]  
  
~I never knew I had a dream Until that dream was you ~  
  
"Hey. you in there?" Cerulean eyes peered laughingly at him.  
  
"Oh. sorry. Thanks for making dinner. Itadakimasu!" Nagi sniffed the miso soup appreciatingly, rice and fish balanced out the meal. It wasn't fancy, but it was good.  
  
He considered himself so lucky. Omi and Youji, and to a lesser extent Ran and Ken, had truly welcomed him into their home and lives. And even though they were a team. they were also a family. Schwarz hadn't been like that, no part of Esset was. Esset was entirely focused on the goals of a few at the top, the individuals who actually did the work were beneath notice. or if they were noticed, it was usually not a good thing. Nagi had been noticed, for his beauty and his skills. He'd been far too young to be placed with Schwarz, but he was the Prodigy. The proverbial Golden Child, and Crawford had wanted him. He'd always suspected that the American wanted him for a few other reasons. most of which would constitute child abuse, but fortunately his relationship with Schuldich was a full-time job.  
  
He hadn't known what it was like to just be wanted for who he was. Not his powers, not as a possession to be coveted, but for himself. Till he'd run into Omi.  
  
"Yoohoo. Nagi. what's up?"  
  
He looked up to Omi's concerned eyes. He smiled. "Just thinking."  
  
"Ah. about?"  
  
"How lucky I am."  
  
~When I look into your eyes The sky's a different blue ~  
  
Omi's eyes sparkle. "No... I'm the lucky one." He reaches across the table to take my hand. He keeps hold of it, even as he continues to eat his dinner. He's so sweet. And gentle. And a force of nature when he's angry. I got to watch him go at Manx one time, when she was waiting outside the medical building one day when we were coming out of one of my treatment sessions. I was so tired, so ill, all I wanted was to get home and go to bed. And we walked out and there she was. Omi politely brushed her off till he got me in the car. Then he said he'd only be a minute. He went back over and I'm surprised the staff didn't call the police.  
  
He actually ended up getting a vicious swipe of her perfectly manicured hand across his face. THAT'S when Nebelung and a few other doctors and male nurses intervened. They whisked Manx away, later I found out they put her in the psyche ward, and Omi came back to the car, waving off Nebelung's attempts to treat him.  
  
I remember looking into his eyes. they were so blue. He asked me if I was okay. ME? As if he wasn't bleeding from four scratches across his cheek. So blue. I could have drowned in them.  
  
They're the same way tonight. Like staring up into that perfect, endless summer sky.  
  
If I don't eat, he's going to harass me. I apply myself to the wonderful meal he made for us.  
  
~Cross my heart I wear no disguise ~  
  
"Nagi. what's wrong. you're a million miles away tonight."  
  
I knew he'd get worried, and he is. "It's really nothing. I don't know, maybe it's hearing about the remission. But my mind is just wandering tonight."  
  
"Are you sure? Dinner's okay? You feel alright? You're not upset the guys aren't here and just not telling me are you?"  
  
"Omi. Omi. I'm fine. Dinner is great. I FEEL great. The guys have lives, I don't mind. I'm just thinking."  
  
"Okay. as long as nothing is wrong."  
  
"I promise, nothing is wrong. In fact, everything is just right."  
  
~If I tried, you'd make believe That you believed my lies ~  
  
I'm not sure that he totally believes me, but he accepts my answer, for now. We finish dinner and clean up the few dishes and pans we used. When I hang up the towel he turns to me.  
  
"Okay. it's YOUR night. Do you want to go anyplace? Movies? Dancing? That new kissaten [2] down the street?"  
  
"Well. there are NO good movies out; you KNOW I don't dance."  
  
"Oh come on. you can't be THAT bad."  
  
"Yes I can. and the kissaten will be crowded by now."  
  
"I'm out of ideas."  
  
"Do you mind, terribly... if we just stay home?"  
  
Omi's eyes softened. "Sure. Hey. we still have a few episodes of Yami no Matsuei to watch. You get drinks and I'll set up the DVD."  
  
By the time Nagi got there with sodas, Omi was already waiting for him on the couch. The brunette settled into his favorite TV watching position, cuddled up under the blonde's arm, and eagerly watched the adventures of his favorite shinigami. Omi yet AGAIN made references to how much he was like Hisoka till Nagi snagged a pillow and thwaped him with it. [3] By the time the show was done, his eyes were dropping and the blond was telling him to just go to sleep, he wanted to watch the news. The small brunette nuzzled his lover's chest and let sleep overtake him.  
  
~Thank you for loving me For being my eyes When I couldn't see ~  
  
["Doctor, please. I'm too tired for games. What is wrong with me?"  
  
"Ah. anou. I shared your results with a colleague. I wanted to be sure. we've determined. Naoe-san, you have a brain tumor."  
  
He felt cold. not just cold. but horribly alone and scared. It was a moment of absolute terror. He felt as if the core of his being, his very soul and just frozen into a hard block. What could he do? What would happen to him? He heard the door open behind him. He turned to look. there was Omi, standing in the doorway looking puzzled at the tension in the small room.  
  
"Ah, Tsukiyono-san. you need to join us."  
  
"What is it? What's wrong?"  
  
Omi crossed the room on quick feet. He looked up at the blond; he knew his face had to be betraying his fear. His lover's arm came around his shoulders and then he slid in beside him. Omi turned to the doctor and Nebelung started over for him. Nagi didn't hear any of it. He was cold. So cold.  
  
"Nagi."  
  
Someone was shaking him. He looked up and saw Omi peering at him, sorrow and concern etching his features. He couldn't hold it in anymore; he collapsed against the blond and hid his face in his shoulder.  
  
"Nagi. it's okay. It'll BE okay. We'll take care of you. I promise. you won't have to do this alone."]  
  
~For parting my lips When I couldn't breathe Thank you for loving me ~  
  
["Nagi? Are you awake?"  
  
Was he awake? He wasn't sure that he wasn't still dreaming. But everything was a little too clear. a little too bright. He guessed the anesthesia. He tried to talk. but his mouth and throat felt as if they were stuffed with cotton. "Sort of."  
  
Omi rubbed his hand soothingly. "That's okay. Just rest."  
  
He didn't want to rest. not yet. There was something he had to tell Omi. Something very important. but his body wouldn't cooperate. His eyes were closing even as he tried to speak. He felt the blond lean closer. He tried again. "I love you."  
  
"I love you too."  
  
He felt the darkness taking over again. This time he didn't fight it. Omi had been there. he'd promised he would. and he was. Nagi wasn't alone. he wasn't alone.]  
  
~You pick me up when I fall down You ring the bell before they count me out ~  
  
[Just as Nebelung had promised, the actual treatment itself had taken only a few minutes. The simulation before hand, to pinpoint where the x-rays would be aimed, had taken longer. He hated this place though. it didn't matter that he genuinely liked Nebelung and Somali. the smells. the sounds. he was feeling ill.  
  
Nagi sat up and tried to tell himself it was just in his head. Omi came in and smiled sympathetically. "You okay." He just nodded and slipped off the table. His balance was off and he pitched forward, but barely catching himself on the edge. A shoulder came under his arm, supporting him. "Easy. come on, let's get you home."  
  
He struggled with his nausea the entire trip home. Luckily they had borrowed Youji's car so Nagi wouldn't have to ride on the bus or cling to the back of a motorcycle. Omi helped him up the steps and into the apartment. It was getting too hard to deny the roiling in his stomach. With a quiet moan, he ducked into the bathroom.  
  
"Nagi? Are you okay?"  
  
After a moment, Omi came in to see him hunched over the toilet. "Oh, Nagi. sick huh?" He made sure the baby-fine, chocolate hair was held back out of the way, steadying him, then getting cool clothes and fresh water. Finally he picked Nagi up and took him into their room, laying him gently on the bed. "Just rest, love. I'll take care of everything."]  
  
~If I was drowning you would part the sea And risk your own life to rescue me ~  
  
[He didn't think he could keep going. It was so hard, every day, every hour, to pretend to be okay. To pretend to be happy and confident and optimistic. He felt like he was drowning in his own emotions, helpless to control or influence them.  
  
Omi was working. The apartment was quiet. No one would be coming back for a while. He was alone.  
  
Nagi curled up on the couch, hugging his knees to his chest. He fought with himself to keep the tears in, to stay strong, to be brave. he was losing. Pulling his legs in tighter, he felt the hot tears start to run down his face to wet the jeans under his skin.  
  
"Nagi."  
  
He gulped back his tears and tried to wipe them away. "Omi. you're back early."  
  
"It's okay."  
  
"Huh?" Nagi tried to act okay and smile, but he knew he was failing.  
  
"You don't have to try so hard." The blond sat beside him and pulled him close so his face was pressed to Omi's neck. He whispered into Nagi's hair. "You don't have to be so tough. It's hard. I know. I don't care if you cry. You need to. so let go. I won't love you any less."  
  
"But that's. that's giving in. I REFUSE to give in."  
  
"It's not giving in. it's release. it's okay. cry if you have to. scream if you have to. throw things and break them. I don't care. I love you. I love you so much."  
  
Validation. That's what he had needed. Nagi let go.]  
  
~Lock the doors We'll leave the world outside ~  
  
"Nagi. Nagi. are you awake enough to walk? I'm ready to go to bed."  
  
He yawned and stretched. He blinked and looked around. The apartment was still quiet. "Are the guys home?"  
  
"No. Ran and Ken probably went out after the game, maybe they met Youji. I don't know. You ready for bed?" The blond stood and looked down at his smaller lover.  
  
He smiled and held his arms out to Omi. "Carry me?" The blond grumbled but stooped and picked him up easily.  
  
"You still need to gain some weight."  
  
"I'm always going to be small."  
  
"I know. but you still need to gain some weight." He maneuvered them into the bedroom and gently set Nagi on the bed. "There you go. couch to bed service. Anything else Naoe-sama?"  
  
He giggled. "Actually. there are a few things you could do for me." He smiled coyly.  
  
~All I've got to give to you Are these five words when I Thank you for loving me ~  
  
He watched appreciatively as Omi disrobed seductively. Once the blond had discarded his clothing he climbed on the bed and started to undo Nagi's shirt. one button at a time. His touch was teasing as each inch of pale skin was exposed. Finally the shirt fell open and Omi bent over his chest running his tongue and lips over the smooth flesh. Nagi gasped. The blond didn't stop, even as his hands busied themselves with the brunette's pants. A strong hand that was at the same time so careful, slipped inside the confining clothing to grasp and massage Nagi's stiffening shaft.  
  
He moaned and reached for his lover. Omi caught his hands and pinned them to the mattress. "Oh no. this time. you're just going to lie there. and take it." He grinned evilly and bent again to tease the pale flesh. Omi sat up and tugged on his pants. Nagi lifted his hips to make it easier for the blond; the pants joined the other clothing on the floor. The brunette started to sit up to remove the silk shirt. Omi pushed him back. "Leave it."  
  
The archer lay down, settling between his legs, rubbing their members together. He caught Nagi's lips, starting gently, and then deepening the kiss.  
  
~For being my eyes When I couldn't see ~  
  
["I'm sorry, Omi. I know you want to."  
  
"Love. don't feel bad. Sure I want to. I want to lay you down and make love to you all night. but you're not well. That's okay."  
  
"But. it's not fair to you."  
  
"Nagi, I don't care. I love you. Even if all we do is sit here.that's enough for me."  
  
He looked at the blond, he was just so tired. "Honto?"  
  
"Hai." Omi pulled him up into his lap, resting his back against the arm of the couch. He tugged the throw blanket down and wrapped it around the brunette. "Rest my love, I'll hold you. I won't let go."  
  
Content in his lover's arms. he felt sleep creeping upon him. "I love you, Omi."]  
  
~You parted my lips When I couldn't breathe Thank you for loving me ~  
  
["You don't have to come in with me every time. I think I know the way by now." He told the blond that, but secretly he was so happy that Omi came in with him. His presence was usually enough to keep the fear at bay. But he didn't want his partner to feel like he HAD to come with him.  
  
"I don't mind." Omi said as he parked the car and they got out.  
  
"I know you don't mind. I'm saying you don't have to."  
  
"Do you feel more comfortable if I come with you?"  
  
He squirmed. Omi would HAVE to put it that way, he couldn't lie worth anything, especially not to the one being that accepted him unconditionally. "Well. you know I do."  
  
The blond smiled and started to walk toward the clinic. "Then I DO have to. Come on. you'll be late."]  
  
~When I couldn't fly Oh, you gave me wings ~  
  
He knew he was panting and begging quietly, but frankly, he didn't care. Omi was too good at this. teasing him, driving him crazy with feather-light caresses and slow thrusts. He sighed as the blond made contact with that sensitive spot deep inside. It was maddening.  
  
He felt Omi's hand searching for his, fingers threading together, palm to palm, chest to chest, lip to lip. Giving and taking pleasure with each touch, each kiss, each agonizingly slow movement.  
  
Eventually such a pace was too frustrating even for the blond and he sat back on his heels pulling the small brunette up with him to sit upon his lap. Nagi groaned as the change of position deepened the penetration. They started to work together toward completion. Omi nibbled at his neck and he closed his eyes concentrating on each tactile sensation.  
  
"OMI!" He clutched at the blonde's hair, pulling his head back and catching his mouth for a kiss. One more thrust and he screamed, Omi's mouth swallowing the sound. He laid the brunette back and pounded into him a few more times until he too stiffened and moaned as he found his release.  
  
Nagi lay there, panting.  
  
"Are you okay?"  
  
The brunette blinked. "Right now. I think I could fly."  
  
~You parted my lips When I couldn't breathe ~  
  
After a quick clean up, the lovers settled back down for their post-coital cuddling. This was his favorite time. The sex was nice. actually it was wonderful. but it was the time afterwards. when they could just lay in each other's arms and feel loved and cherished. Omi ran a hand down his check, turning his face up for a long kiss. He smiled and nestled down letting sleep steal over him. Just as he drifted off, he heard his lover's voice.  
  
"I love you, Nagi."  
  
He smiled. and fell asleep.  
  
~Thank you for loving me ~  
  
Owari.  
  
[1] Shoori always complains about this when we (Aoe, Shoori and me) go out to eat. Ne Shoori-chan? [2] Kissaten: a coffeeshop. see my Japanese for JETs is useful! ^_~ [3] Yeah yeah. YnM is my new obsession. I love Hisoka. and isn't he like Nagi-kins?  
  
-Okay. that's it. the end. there might be a couple side stories (at least one that I'm planning) to flesh out some things I just hinted at, but for the most part. It's done. I hope you've enjoyed it, I have. -Yan 


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